meet the parents

American Demographics, Jan 1, 2002

As a new generation of parents takes its place in the American family album, what sensibilities will drive its approach to marriage and child-rearing?

Some things don't change. Every new parent wants a healthy baby with a happy childhood, trouble-free adolescence and the opportunity for a successful adulthood. But subtle priorities and principles shift from generation to generation, as people and lifestyles change. And today, with a new generation entering parenthood, certain questions arise: What will Gen Xers - today between the ages of 25 and 37 - be like as parents? Will they handle parenthood in a different way than their parents and their Baby Boomer predecessors did? What has changed and what remains the same?

After all, this is the generation that was infamously dubbed "slackers." In 1990 Newsday described it as the generation that dropped out "without ever turning on the news or tuning in to the social issues around them." Reputedly the wave of youth that idealized extended adolescence, glorified grunge and revived the goatee, Gen Xers are now sinking into easy chairs and nesting in newly bought homes. They've taken more time to establish their careers, increasingly delayed marriage and postponed childbearing. But now, Gen Xers are beginning to establish families: Of 18.6 million households - 37.8 million people - fully half of men and 57 percent of women ages 25 to 34 (the closest age breakdown to Gen X tracked by the census), a total of 9.4 million, are married. In 2000, three-quarters of men and women were married by age 35. Nearly two-thirds of women ages 25 to 34 (65 percent) have had children.

What is Gen X's approach to parenting? It is a blend of caution, pragmatism and traditionalism - a mix of characteristics that were shaped with the help of their parents. Gen Xers are the first children of the new era of divorce to reach adulthood. For more than a century, children in the United States lived with both parents at home. During the 1970s, when Gen X was growing up, that all started to change. The proportion of children living with their parents, which had remained stable at about 85 percent since 1880, began to slide. The divorce rate more than doubled, from 2.5 divorces per 1,000 marriages in 1965 to 5.3 by 1979. Between 1970 and 1990, the number of children living with only their mothers doubled, from 11 percent to 22 percent, and the share of children living in a nuclear family (defined as married couples with kids) fell from 85 percent to 73 percent, according to the Census Bureau's 2000 Current Population Survey and the Survey of Income and Program Participation.

Call it the "Home Alone" factor. William Strauss, author of Generations (William Morrow, 1992), cites childhood divorce as one of the decisive experiences influencing how Gen Xers shape their own families. Above all, they want to avoid creating the broken homes, alimony disputes, absentee fathers and tangles with stepparents that many of them experienced as children, he says.

Gen Xers' childhood as latchkey kids has pushed them to value family stability when it comes to their own children, says David Stillman, a partner in BridgeWorks, a Sonoma, Calif.-based generational consulting firm, who is himself a Gen X father of two. "Xers often came home to an empty house as children," Stillman says. "They don't want to create broken homes because they came from broken homes." According to generational marketing firm Yankelovich Inc. in Norwalk, Conn., Gen Xers offer a corrective to certain freedoms and rebellions expressed by their parents. As a result, "[Gen] Xers are approaching homemaking with caution and concern," write Ann Clurman and J. Walker Smith in the marketing bible, Rocking the Ages: The Yankelovich Report on Generational Marketing.

Gen X writer Lauren Dockett interviewed more than 50 Gen X women while researching her book, Facing 30: Women Talk about Constructing a Real Life and Other Scary Rites of Passage (New Harbinger, 1998). Dockett says she encountered quite a few women who feared being left bereft by divorce, or unable to cope with the possibility of single parenting. As a result, they are unusually scared of replicating the precarious financial circumstances of their mothers. When it comes to their own lives, they want to plan ahead to avoid facing the same compromises and sacrifices, Dockett says.

"One thing we've noticed with our readers is much more interest in planning for the long-term economic impact of children," says Sally Lee, editorial director of Parents magazine. "Gen X parents are very financially savvy. They plan on saving from birth, even plan their family size around economic considerations. They want to explore every option the financial world has to offer, from 401(k)s to college savings plans, in order to afford their child."

This generation appears better prepared to avoid the financial traps of their parents. Overall, 29 percent of the group has a bachelor's or graduate degree, according to the 2000 Current Population Survey. That's nearly 6 percentage points more than the 24 percent of their parents (the Silent Generation). Of particular note: Gen X women are better educated than previous generations. Nearly 30 percent of women ages 25 to 34 are college graduates, compared with 27 percent of women ages 35 to 44, 28 percent of those 45 to 54 and 20 percent of those ages 55 to 64. This translates into greater earning power for Gen X women and a greater ability to work full or part time at professional jobs and also have children.