Diary of a Consultant

Training & Development, Jan, 2001 by David Zahn

This is the first installment--let's call it an entry--by David Zahn about his year in setting up a training consulting business. Each month, we'll follow David's account through all of the trials and tribulations, successes and missteps, emotional ups and downs--with lessons for other startups.

David left his place of employment and entered into a partnership, Clow Zahn Associates, LLC. He'll share his first-year experiences and introduce you to the heroes, helpers, and hellions that every businessperson confronts on the way to making the leap from being an employee to becoming an entrepreneur.

A little background: David has a graduate degree in instructional design and organizational development from Stevens Institute of Technology, five years with a high-technology firm as a trainer and educational materials writer, and two separate stints at consulting firms--totaling more than 13 years in the industry before deciding to strike out on his own.

Working for me

It is happening all over, wherever trainers congregate. In the halls of academia and around office water coolers. It seems that no one is immune to the seductive song. One can hear it in one's mind in moments of anger or frustration with one's boss and even after receiving a larger than expected bonus. It can appear after listening to a particularly captivating speaker at an industry conference or after authorizing to pay the invoice for a high-priced supplier.

What is it?

The yearning, the desire, the hunger to no longer be a wage slave. The dream beckons: We envision leaving our corporate positions and the resident politics, personalities, and pageantry and do, instead, the kind of work we want to do. We seek to refresh the reasons we entered this profession. We desire to extend ourselves creatively, take only assignments that are meaningful, truly make a difference, and accomplish something beyond making a boss look good in the race for a corner office.

But like in many dreams, some of us awake with a start, then try to go back to sleep and hope never to have the same dream again. Others try to remember the dream. Were we a success? Did we look like we were having fun? Did we look younger, more alive? Was our boss green with envy when she had to authorize our invoice? Some people go back to sleep hoping to drift into the dream again and pick up where it left off.

Last, there are those who will venture out to live the dream. I'm in that group, and I'd like to share my adventure with you if you're seeking to do the same--or perhaps to reassure you that you were right not to try this. If you've already made the leap, you can compare and contrast your experiences with mine and relive the dream.

2000 January 3

Coming back to work from the New Year's holiday, I hear rumblings about the parent company thinking of shutting down my division due to it no longer being "a strategic fit" with the company mission since the new CEO's coronation six months prior. I look for confirmation that this isn't just some troublemaker's notion. Everyone does look dour, though that may be due to too much of a good time at the spiked punch bowls around town.

January 20

Anxiety begins to set in. No one has any concrete evidence of what decisions have been reached, but in the vacuum of no information, the rumor mill is churning. People are closing the doors to their offices and speaking in hushed tones on the phone. An office that customarily empties at 5:15 now has employees interested in checking how much paper is left in the fax machine and where we keep the envelopes.

The recruiters have begun to circle, and it won't be long until they pick off some of my peers. I need to assess what I want to do next or the decision will be taken out of my hands.

January 24

The crystal balls and tea leaves have been read. Though there's no formal announcement from senior management, the absence of communication speaks loudly. It's only a matter of time before we hear we're no longer going to be listed in the employee directory.

Sides are being chosen. Some fellow employees, who postured and swore through the years they'd love to buddy up and change the way business is done to everyone's mutual success, have quickly grown feet of clay. The fear of having to be a success without the benefit of a large corporate entity or team behind them has reduced them to not only shivering in fear, but also determined to subvert the people who were willing to give it a go. Behind closed doors, alliances are built and undone, then reconstructed. Egos flash like a tiger's bared teeth at the sight of danger.

A new game has sprung up in the office. The rules are the antithesis of The Golden Rule. This game is, "Do it, and run before they catch you." Information about your future plans can, and will, be used against you. Lies and fabrications are the coin of the realm.

I'm approached by just about every member of the division about joining them in whatever new endeavor is to result from the division's collapse. The deals range from being an employee for some other firm (consulting or client) to splitting responsibilities and revenue. (Typically, they suggest that I have the lion's share of the responsibility and only an equal portion of the revenue.) My office should have a turnstile to handle the traffic traipsing through playing Let's Make a Deal.