Orange you glad you live in New Mexico?

New Mexico Business Journal, Sept, 1996 by Christine Mather

You may think that these rather prosaic barrels are all the same, you silly old thing. You would be wrong. Thanks to my high-class education, startling perceptions and the extreme good judgment of this magazine, I am able to present the New Mexico Business Journal's Connoisseurship Guide to the Art of the Orange Barrel, otherwise known as a Guia Naranjada.

Barrel Antiqua. The charming historic barrels of New Mexico, in russet hues of adobe and timber, decorate the scenic by-ways of our state with their stately presence recalling a bygone era, prior to press-molded plastics, when our faithful colonial fore-bears struggled against the elements to fashion these majestic hand-hewn masterpieces. These are not to be confused with the Barrel Prehispanica painstakingly chipped from solid reddish sandstone by the Anasazi or "ancient ones." Only found during excavations for major highway construction, most examples are either in museum collections or have been secreted out of the state by nefarious dealers, a form of highway robbery and a tragic loss of cultural patrimony.

Country Bumpkin-Pumpkin Barrels. Largely found in the rural areas of our state, these barrels consist of three large pumpkins stacked to give the impression of a mass-produced barrel. Their humorous presence is not only a signal of the desire of all people to be a part of the mainstream, but also an example of the witty and clever make-do attitude that typifies the rugged rural people of New Mexico. Once quite common, these survivors of a tradition-based folk culture are becoming increasingly rare with the gradual urbanization of our population. Recently cited by the Smithsonian Institution, and included among other fine examples of American folk art, these barrels might be saved from extinction by the recent efforts of young artisans seeking to revive and preserve one of New Mexico's unique legacies through seed saving.

A Garden of Barrels. The garden variety of orange barrels is a veritable floral bouquet of the road. Blooming wherever asphalt can be found, they provide a brilliant burst of color around every corner. Sometimes known by their more vulgar slang names, variously, as Screechers, Bloopers and Bangers, they are the sturdy workhorse of the industry. Despite their working class roots, these most frequently sighted barrels carpet our state with their festive silhouettes, providing a colorful accent wherever the eye may fall.

Barrels of La Zona Crepuscular. Strangely concentrated in the area around Roswell, these unique barrels have been sighted by a least 35 percent of the state's population. Believed to be the cause of severe migraines and frequent absences among high school students, these barrels have mysterious powers, sometimes vibrating and rolling onto the roadway just as you pass by. Some believe they are capable of transporting themselves magically from one construction site to another in a robotic fashion providing fuel to the rumor that all barrels have a life of their own. These mysterious barrels may be related to, but are surely different from, the Barrel Mojado, which are often seen moving northward from the border. In this same context, the grisly discovery of surgically dissected barrels in the ranch land near Las Vegas, and the claims of casual motorists of being kidnapped and transported to barrel-shaped space vehicles, makes us all wonder what higher powers may be at work in creating the plethora of barrels in our state and where it might all end.

The Jean-Paul Sartre Memorial No Exit Barrel. Often seen as one of the greater intellectual challenges for the motorist, these profoundly conceptual barrels push the envelope, confront the obvious and shake us from our complacent routines by forcing us to ponder just exactly how we are to escape from the dilemmas of modern life and the angst of not being able to exit off the highway. Just when life seems dulled by the mundane, these surreal barrels spring forward to make us realize we are trapped by objects of our own creation. The existential pain and meaningless nature of our existence confronts us in the shape of a silent slice of orange, blocking us from our final destination and dooming us to ride forever on the highway of life.

The Vanity Barrel. Part of a state-wide campaign for revenue enhancement, these newly introduced barrels will soon be available for personalization. Recently cited statistics of 1.26 barrels for every man, woman and child in the state lead to the awareness that future revenues might be gained by giving each of us our own barrel, at a modest cost, bearing our names and with space for a photograph. Barrels can also be purchased as memorials, gifts and as a donation to a favorite charity. Special "flashing" editions, the Eddie Bauer Barrel, and red, white and blue Olympic models are available for the serious collector and can be purchased at an additional cost. Like the most popular revenue producing barrel, the Cities of Orangish Gold, or the El Dorado Naranjado, all the income, after administrative costs, goes toward education. They are part of a larger program, the OrangeAid Program, designed to funnel monies away from the poorest segment of the population and then back to them again in the form of a generous gift.