Kids' "open house": Creating a child-friendly environment

Childhood Education, Spring 2001 by Ballantine, Jeanne H

The Lehman's house was kidfriendly. In fact, these neighbors of mine always seemed to have a flow of children visiting their three kids, ages 8, 11, and 15. My youngest child spent hours at the Lehman's house, and I began to wonder what attracted the kids and kept them coming. My children reported that Mr. and Mrs. Lehman spent time talking with the kids. It sounded like good communication was part of the attraction. When I visited myself, I learned more.

The Lehman's house exuded a kidfriendly atmosphere. It started with interesting posters on the walls and a basement room with board and table games, a VCR, comfortable couches, and floor pillows. A set of simple rules was tacked to the wall: "Please clean up your mess and please have fun!" There was both a popcorn machine and a broom. Occasionally, the parents provided cookies or other treats.

The Lehmans were not wealthy, but they were child-centered. While both adults worked, when they were home they made it family and friend time. As Mr. Lehman put it, "We want our children to feel comfortable bringing their friends here where we can meet them. We want to be involved in our kids' lives. This is far better than having them always out, better than worrying about them, and better than missing the enjoyment of their growing-up years."

Not everyone has the patience of the Lehmans. Creating a kids' "open house" does not necessarily mean a constant open-door policy, however. Parents can experiment to find the approach that will be the most rewarding experience for their family. The process is easier if it starts when children are young, so that they will come to expect and enjoy parental involvement. Inviting young children over to play or do projects can begin the "open house" tradition. For busy parents, a limited or structured involvement model may work best. These family and friend times can center on specific activities such as watching videos, baking cookies, swimming in the backyard pool or splashing in the sprinkler, reading a story book, or putting on a play. Inviting children into your home may even evolve into reciprocal child-sitting arrangements with other parents.

Being involved parents for several hours a week offers a number of benefits for both parents and children:

* It lets children know they are important and can count on their parents for support.

* It provides a model of involvement and sense of community that carries over to children and their friends.

* It helps parents share in the joys and sorrows of their children's lives.

* It tells children that their parents are available and concerned; this concept will be especially important when the inevitable rough patches in child rearing arise.

* It provides a safe house for kids, especially if the neighborhood is dangerous.

Older children may be pressured by other kids and often appreciate a safe place where drugs and alcohol, fights, or bullies are not part of the scene. Should problems crop up, parents with a reputation for being understanding generally have an easier time reasoning with kids. They can build on communication lines that developed in the childfriendly atmosphere established at an early age.

Communicating with children and their friends helps to "open the house." Children value parents who speak their language, are interested in their thoughts and activities, and LISTEN to them. Opening the lines of communication creates friendships with children, the traits of which are long-term trust and positive relationships. Communicating with parents of other children who visit your home helps set a welcoming precedent in your community, and is also a good way to meet people who are in similar stages of life and who share similar interests and concerns. Activities involving several families can be rewarding for all involved.

Baking cookies, making decorations, jumping in leaf piles, observing birds and squirrels, and watching videos are suitable activities for multiple age groups, and big kids can help the smaller ones complete projects. Planning activities appropriate for one age group can be rewarding as well. Little kids love playing in big boxes and making forts with a couple of blankets spread over a table. Teens enjoy their own space and music, and they love to have food available to feed their never-ending appetites. Families can share game nights, or hikes and picnics. Whether children are one age or multiple ages, parents can plan activities for all groups.

Parenting lasts, on average, 20 years out of an 80-year life span. Most parents occasionally find child rearing a burden. We can make the most of these years, however, by finding ways to be involved in the lives of children. It allows us to reexperience the joys of our own childhoods. Being a close-knit family can bring satisfaction in the short-term. In the long-term, it opens the doors to warm, rewarding relationships when children grow up, marry, and have families of their own. The way we parent is likely to be the main source of parent training for the next generation, and can ultimately affect several generations.