Voices from the field: How do I give back to a world that gives to me?

Journal for Quality and Participation, The, Summer 2002 by Hakim, Cliff

STEW STOKES HELPS TO LEAD AN ANNUAL NINE-MONTH leadership development program at Babson College's Executive Education Center. One of the questions that he was asked to weave into his self-introduction each year was, "Why do I agree to do this?" Stew told the group, "I have two purposes in doing this each year. My first purpose is to continue my own learning by learning from you. My second purpose is to give back some of what I've learned from others during all the years of my own life and career. Giving back is what this journey is all about."

Why give back?

Anne Starr writes, "It seems to me that we give back because we want to express the natural flowering or spilling over of what we have in us. And we discover in the process that it may be invigorating and humbling. I think when we give back spontaneously we discover that our truest self is resonating with the world-being used well -and that rekindles our spirit." I have personally had this "truest-self" experience: Our neighbors recently gave birth to a baby boy. One evening, my daughter and I surprised them with a home cooked meal. For weeks after, they expressed their appreciation and encouraged me to open a restaurant!

How do you give back? How have you had a truest-self experience?"

Below are examples of how others give back.

Lisa Heisterkamp Davis: "On a day-to-day basis, over the past few years, I have made it a point to express my appreciation to those people in life who don't get much thanks: the faceless (and now voiceless) operator for directory assistance, the person making appointments for doctors, the bus driver. I have found, of course, that giving appreciation to them for the work they do gives me even more than the original service provided. The pleasure of the interaction increases.

I recently heard a wise woman (and professor from Sloan Business School) describe people `throwing power away' as they walked down a long hall. How? By barging through the common physical space, by looking through people as they passed, by not holding a door. Acknowledging people around you makes them feel respected, respect that reflects back to you."

Lilla Rogers, agent, artist, and mentor: "I pass on what I've learned to make the road a little easier for my gifted artists."

Jean Horstman: "I hang out in my neighborhood. After September 11, I think this is even more important than ever. I am aware of how my discourse with strangers helps to create civil society. So I stop to talk with babies and older people. I compliment women brave enough to wear great hats. I chat with people on the bus and at the airport. I seek to honor those who serve me by learning their names and hearing their stories. I recycle, buy experienced furniture, go to and throw yard sales, vote, write letters to the editor, and do regular volunteer work with grieving children. Periodically, I invite just about everybody I know-from business leaders to my local auto mechanic-to a potluck dinner in my too small apartment. Democracy is strengthened through unexpected conversations and this meal is rich in them. I drive an older used car that gets great gas mileage and I use public transportation when I can. I bought my two-family house in a diverse community. I tithe annually to a set of nonprofits that focus on human rights, affordable housing, and intercultural understanding-real challenges in the United States and the world. And last, I participate in congregational worship and individual prayer. Before I go to bed every night I write down all the blessings of the day and I say thank you to God."

Mark Levy, author, Accidental Genius: Revolutionizing Your Thinking Through Private Writing: "I give commonplace things a lot of attention, because the giving of attention is, I think, a way of giving back. So I look closely at soup spoons, staircase landings, cat ears, computer keyboards, and revolving doors. Also at fallen leaves, pocket lint, mailboxes, and the edges of coins. I think about how these things were made, how they came into existence, the effort it took to create them, and how I've benefited from their existence, even in the smallest way."

Ben Rudnick musician, "Emily's Song": "Family is a big part of my life; and I believe that the happiest people you'll meet feel the same way about their families. By gearing my recordings and performances toward families, I enable families to have yet another way to be together enjoying one another. One of the great aspects about my music and the situations in which my band often plays is that entire families from the youngest to oldest members are present. Our music becomes the least common denominator, binding families in fun and happiness without their even being aware of it. One minute they're listening to a band play and the next minute they seem a happier family enjoying the experience. I can't say I created my music purposely to have this effect, but now realize that it's become my way of giving back. Even the strongest families can use a little extra bonding; I provide a sort of musical `glue.'"