When the news isn't good

NEA Today, Apr 1999

How do you give parents bad news about their children?

There are several ways to do this. One is to have the child present at a conference. Turn to the student and say directly, "Tell your father what you did on the bus yesterday afternoon."

Students will be remarkably honest and forthcoming. I like this method because I haven't had to accuse the child. I've just facilitated a place where the parent can be informed.

Often, especially for a first offense, I ask the child to take an index card and write down exactly what happened. I inspect the card, have the child sign and date it, and I sign and date it.

I keep these cards on file. They're particularly helpful when a parent is called in because of repeated bad behavior and states, "Johnny has never done anything like this before."

Gloria Lawrence

Sixth grade teacher

Mount Airy, North Carolina

I have students call their parents from the classroom and tell the parents what they did.

Jacquelyn Streetman

Resource specialist

Studio City, California

As a speech and language patholoist in an early childhood center, I'm often the first one who must deliver "the news," since language and speech disorders have a significant impact on a child's learning.

It's imperative to be positive, offer practical solutions, and provide information-both oral and written.

Parents also need to know that there are many other youngsters with similar disorders, and they are not alone.

Since the initial meeting can be overwhelming, I encourage parents to call or write if they have questions afterward.

Communication and empowerment are the key issues here. Also, a little humor and a big box of tissues can go a long way.

Helaine Rosen,field

Speech and language pathologist

Abington, Massachusetts

Here's an easy rule of thumb to remember:

F-Facts. Give facts to parents, after the details have been checked out. It's best to do so face to face.

A-Accuracy is key when delivering news that may engage a parent's defense mechanisms.

C-Clarity and caring are essential to helping parents understand the news. Maintaining eye contact in a private setting is recommended.

T-Timeliness is important, so parents can react soon after the event occurred.

S-Start with a positive message about their child and end the conference with a plan of action, referral, or some ray of hope.

Peggy Hanselman

High school counselor

New Hope, Pennsylvania

A wise colleague first told me about the power of "and." I stored the advice in a mental corner. Then, during a difficult conference, the word found its way into my discourse.

"Rachel has shown a true effort to bring her materials to class every day, and we need to work next on meeting deadlines for long-range projects."

These words create a warm, supportive tone. Try using "and" in place of the "but" that is eager to escape your lips. Since the day I switched, I've been pleased with the climate the change creates and the results it has garnered.

Dianna Craft

Sixth grade reading and

language arts teacher

Flemington, New Jersey