Interview: William Pollack--on decoding boys

NEA Today, Sep 1999

A psychologist suggests strategies for reaching boys before they reach for guns.

Last spring, as Americans tried to make sense out of the latest spate of school shootings, the media turned repeatedly to William Pollack, assistant professor of psychiatry at the Harvard Medical School and author of Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons ftom the Myths of Boyhood.

Pollack's message was a consistent one: The "boy code" imposes a "gender straitjacket" on boys, often leaving them without the experience or the tools to express their emotions safely.

Educators, Pollack explained in a recent interview with NEA Today, can and must do more to address boys' unique social, academic, and emotional needs.

Q. What is the "boy code"?

It's a series of outmoded, unspoken, unwritten rules of conduct by which, for generations, we have brought up boys. According to the code, boys must be tough, stoic, not dependent on others, inexpressive people who are not allowed to share their pain.

Boys feel great pressure to emulate the code's ideal boy. Since they always fall short of this impossible ideal, they become frustrated, depressed, and angry. Some suffer low self-esteem and turn violent.

Q. Why the increase in school shootings now?

There are a number of reasons-more access to weapons, violent media, working parents spending less time with kids, and co-educational school environments. which are some of the most unfriendly places on earth.

All boys have the experience-from kindergarten on-of not having their educational needs understood. This lowers their self-esteem as learners and makes them hate school. They feel disconnected and mistreated.

In school, the rigid boy code is allowed to flourish-boys are razzed, shamed, hurt, and misread-and they become more negative and disaffected. They're taught they can't show tears. They have to keep the pain inside. The only okay emotions that can come out are frustration and anger.

Some boys, when they're in a place where they feel teased and misunderstood come to feel they have no one who responds to them. That's when the dam bursts.

Q. Why do you say schools are failing boys?

Our schools generally don't have curricula and teaching methods designed to meet boys' specific needs and interests. Schools aren't dealing with the fact that boys learn to read and write and manipulate writing implements at a later stage than girls-six to nine months later, typically. And most schools have, at best, one recess, when boys need five. When boys squirm in their seats, teachers take away recess, the very thing they need.

Q. How can educators eradicate the boy code?

First, adults have to recognize that the code exists and understand how it harms boys. They need to teach about the code to boys and girls in the same way they're taught about empathy. They need to model the undoing of that code or the creation of a new code. They need to give boys permission to express sadness and other feelings.

Q. What are bullies and class clowns saying to teachers and kids?

"I'm depressed. I need help. Notice me. Do something before it's too late-before others hurt me or I hurt someone else." Schoolyard bullies are the most depressed boys in school. Behind the mask of bravado is an immense amount of depression and angst.

Q. What are other signs of depression in boys?

While girls verbalize sadness and depression, boys do the opposite. Boys suffer silently. They become more socially isolated. They may spend a lot of time on the Internet or watching TV. They may engage in self-destructive behavior or rebel--calling out names, taking on the teacher, deciding to do a sport that's dangerous, or driving too fast. Their grades fall. They have more absences or become truant. They get teased more often. Boys may act strangely or inappropriately, wearing all black or trench coats.

Q. How can educators help boys reconnect with schools?

Teachers can learn boys' language, provide more manipulatives, engage in action talk (talking with boys while doing something the boy likes), and be playful without teasing.

They can create shame-free zones where boys are allowed to express themselves in safety and privacy. And they can give boys the time and space to get up and move around.

All the research shows that if there is one adult a boy can connect with, he'll experience higher self-esteem, do better academically, and be less likely to get in trouble.

Q. You've suggested that single-sex education may help.

Yes. I think educators should experiment with single-sex schools or single-sex classes. They could have special classes for girls in math and science, while male teachers teach boys classes like poetry and reading. Girls and boys could then come back together for other classes.

When you remove boys from classes attended by their female counterparts, much of the pressure boys feel to act in certain self-protective ways becomes significantly diminished, and many boys feel freer, more confident, and better able to succeed. v

RESOURCES

Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood. William Pollack. Owl Books, 1999, 447 pps., $13.95.