Six Ways to Turn Setbacks into Comebacks

Black Collegian, Oct 2006 by Duncan, Al "THE INSPIRATION"

The vast majority of smart and successful people have all kinds of insurance to cover them just in case of an emergency Most people either have or wish they had insurance so that when a loss occurs they will be protected. Even your money in the bank is insured.

But there are situations that have the potential to become disasters for which many people, especially graduating college students, do not have insurance: setbacks and letdowns.

If a person is not prepared to deal with a setback, it can become a permanent disaster. Although the success that you have experienced will most likely continue, here are six things you can do to make sure that you're covered when you rience a setback.

1 Identify what is and what isn't under your control.

I once heard someone say, "All you can do is all you can do. And all you can do is enough. But you better make sure you do all you can do."

After a setback, many people spend too much time agonizing over things they have little or no control over. So when you are preparing for an interview or another opportunity, take inventory of what is and isn't directly under your control.

Make a list of everything that has to happen in order for your opportunity to be a successful endeavor. After completing your list, go through it and label each item as "under your control" or "not under your control." For example, being well prepared for an interview is under your control. Being the most qualified and experienced person for the job isn't under your control. There's no way for you to know who else is being interviewed for the position.

WARNING: Be careful of passing the buck or playing the blame game. You've got to be honest with yourself about your assessment of what is and isn't under your control. If the situation didn't go your way because of circumstances that were under your control, it might be tempting but it is most certainly not benal to beat yourself up. In fact...

2 Move from bitter to better.

If you are like most people, you are your own worst critic. When you are constantly giving yourself a mental tongue-lashing you are simply compounding your current bitterness. Piling negative thoughts on top of negative thoughts and mixing toxic emotions with more toxic emotions leaves a person stuck in a vicious circle - feeling bad about feeling bad. Psychologists estimate that negative thoughts are seven times stronger than positive thoughts. That means it takes seven positive thoughts to nullify one negative thought!

If you come to the realization that things haven't gone your way because of something that was under your control, immediately begin to assess your thinking and your feelings at that moment.

As you're reading this you might be saying to yourself, "That's easier said than done." You're right. The reason people have a hard time ridding themselves of negative thoughts and emotions is because they try to remove the thought or feeling without replacing it. Thatls like changing a flat tire without putting on a new tire.

When a negative or bitter thought pops into your head, immediately say to yourself, "Erase that and replace that." Then you replace the bitter thought with a better thought. So if someone were thinking, "I'm so stupid," he or she would then say, "Erase that and replace that."

Next, that person would repeat at least seven times a phrase such as: "I made an honest mistake, and now I know better so I'll do better."

This brings us to a very important rule. You should...

3 Never convict an innocent person.

Setbacks can leave a person wallowing in the muck and mire of past misery. And unless you are a little piggy, you have no business sloshing around in the mud!

World renowned speaker Willie Jolley says, "The past is a place of reference; not a place of residence."

Far too many people convict themselves over and over again for past mistakes and mishaps.

Would a parent punish a teenager again and again for something the child did at age seven? What if a professor decided to penalize a student in March over and over for something the student did in September? That would be insane, right?

So why would you want continue to punish yourself in the present for an honest mistake you made in the past? You're convicting the new and improved you for something that the old you did. If the statement "I made an honest mistake and now I know better, so I'll do better" is true for you, then give the new you a pardon. What it boils down to is learning from the past, planning for the future, and taking action now.

What if someone else wrongly convicts, condemns, or mislabels you? Then remember...

4 Someone's opinion doesn't have to be your reality.

In 1979, as a sophomore in high school, a young basketball player was cut from the varsity team. He was devastated but he wasn't done. Three years later in 1982 he made the game-winning shot in the NCAA championship game. In 1984 he was passed over by the first two teams in the NBA draft but he went on to become arguably the greatest basketball player of all time.