Grand Rapids erects a civic tent for marriage

Policy Review, Jul/Aug 1998 by Sider, Roger

Empowering the Churches

Michael McManus, the author of Mariage Savers and the architect of the community marriage policy concept, points out that churches and synagogues are foundational to the policy's success. Because at least 75 percent of our community's weddings take place in churches, our clergy and our congregations have both a special responsibility and a special opportunity to revitalize marriage. Therefore the policy includes a broadly Judeo-Christian theological basis, along with specific steps for clergy and congregations.

For some the policy has been catalytic. One pastor reported that his large downtown church had until now a "minimalist" policy with regard to marriage and premarital preparation. But his congregation rewrote their expectations to conform with those of the community marriage policy. Another pastor reported that his meetings with couples to lay out his expectations for premarital preparation have been more effective now that these expectations have been endorsed in a community-wide policy.

We are also assisting the clergy with practical tools. Last winter, we hosted four day-long seminars for clergy and lay leaders on techniques and resources for premarital preparation. We called on local experts, pastors, and counselors who were already leading model programs in our community. The four sessions attracted 120 registrants.

We have also developed a premarital preparation class for couples, conducted in two four-hour blocks on successive Saturdays. These classes cover marital expectations, communication, conflict resolution, finances, and gender and sexuality issues, among other topics. The faculty are mental-health professionals and the content is endorsed by our Clergy Task Force. Held four times a year, these classes rotate among various churches and attract couples from various backgrounds. They are designed to supplement, not replace, the vital role of clergy in preparing couples for marriage.

Raising Awareness

We face a huge task in raising public awareness about the importance of marriage to our community. Grand Rapids and Kent County are already home to strong advocacy groups and coalitions concerned with at-risk children and families, teenage pregnancy, juvenile delinquency, substance abuse, school dropouts, and sexually transmitted diseases. Until the advent of the community marriage policy, however, there had been little public discussion on the causal link between social problems and the marital structure of the homes in which our children are raised.

"In public discourse, marriage is the 'M' word," says Theodora Ooms of the Family Impact Seminar, in Washington, D.C. "Nobody talks about it." So we are using the new marriage policy as a way to begin a public dialogue.

To inaugurate the policy, we hosted a luncheon in March 1997 for 300 community leaders and members of` the clergy at a downtown hotel. Our guest speaker was Michael McManus. In June 1997, we took out two full-page advertisements in three local newspapers, the Grand Rapids Press, the Grand Rapids Times (an African-American newspaper), and El Hispano. The first ad included a copy of the full text of the policy; the second was a roster of 400 people who had endorsed the policy.