How to work a room

Electric Perspectives, May/Jun 2003 by Roane, Susan

THE ART

OF CONVERSING

WITH STRANGERS

DEPENDS ON A

FEW KEY SKILLS.

For the busy utility business-- person with a desk full of reports, projects, and requests, an email file full of "urgent" notes, and a voicemail inbox with far too many messages, the thought of going to an outside event-- like a conference, an offsite business meeting, an event sponsored by a professional or trade association, or even a cocktail party with colleagues or peers-may seem like an intrusion on one's time. The reality is that it's often an obligation.

It is also a chance to do one of the most important things in your job, both for your company and for yourself: networking. In most surveys, networking is one of the top three reasons people attend association meetings. Conventions and trade shows also have multiple opportunities to meet new colleagues and connect with long-- time ones. "Meeting your colleagues and friends is the most important aspect" of such events, says Tom Peters, author and management guru.

Networking-the generic umbrella term we use to describe meeting, greeting, and conversation at the no-- host bar-is really about doing the matchmaking, the brainstorming, and the follow-up. But it's slightly different from what someone should do when facing a roomful of people he doesn't know. That aspect of social interaction is called working a room. Together the skill for networking and working the room form the foundation of interpersonal communication that can enhance public relations, education, and visibility.

No doubt, walking into a roomful of people-friends or strangers-can be daunting. Some people are comfortable in any room-they exude a confidence, ease, and approachability that make it OK for people to introduce themselves. Not only that, they move among individuals and groups with a seeming effortlessness that is the envy of many. But those who are working a room well are really working-rarely does this stuff come naturally And it is important to know that shyness plagues almost everyone, whether an executive, speaker, healthcare professional, or accountant. According to the Shyness Clinic, founded by Stanford University's Phillip Zimbardo, 93 percent of American adults identify themselves as shy. Moreover, according to Zimbardo, socializing in a roomful of strangers is number two on a list of peoples' phobias. (Spiders are number one).

Getting over that shyness and fear requires the practice of a few simple skills. As a result of working a room, we build a network of colleagues, associates, suppliers, and community that is essential for our careers and enriches our lives. You need to do it-and the first rule to remember is that if you see someone standing alone, it is a good bet that he may feel conspicuous and would be pleased to talk to you. That is, at least 93 percent of people out there are just looking for an opening, and the others (those moving about "effortlessly") are absolutely open to having a conversation with you.

Breaking the Ice

The guest wearing the Jerry Garcia tie or the eye-catching necklace gives us something to notice and break the ice. Nametags generally provide enough information to start a conversation. (By the way, always wear them on the right-hand side, in the line of sight with the handshake.)

Often we can make a casual offhand comment to others because of a shared circumstance-whether it is waiting in the buffet line or at a registration table-which will naturally spur a formal introduction. After addressing attendees at a convention of the American Society of Association Executives in San Francisco, I visited a tradeshow booth that offered people an opportunity to don foam boxing gloves and take a turn in a ring. After watching two attendees exchange punches, I turned to the fellow behind me and made a comment about the boxing. The man responded with a funny remark that kicked off a conversation. After a pleasant exchange, we introduced ourselves. That was more than eight years ago, and we still stay in touch. You could say it's a friendship that "started with a real punch-line."

The best advice I heard came from a man who grew up on a farm but had a philosophy for when he went to town: "The roof is the introduction." If we are in the same room, party, hotel, convention hall, and meeting, then we already have something in common.

Breaking the ice also means that we seize the opportunity to say something and not wait for the most brilliant remark to come to mind. By the time we gather those witty and insightful thoughts, the person we wanted to meet has moved to another part of the room, and the opportunity has passed. A firm handshake, a smile, warmth, and a (practiced) upbeat introduction will make the initial contact easier and more effective.

Perhaps your sole reason for attending a conference is to reconnect with colleagues, clients, and potential clients. In this case, a lot can be accomplished informally. Sometimes I've learned more by chatting with a colleague over coffee or walking on a neighboring treadmill in the fitness center than I would have by attending six seminars. We can always buy the conference tapes, but it's the casual conversation in the hallway that may be the most valuable. To make this happen, we must be sure that we acknowledge other attendees in the elevators, at the coffee breaks, at the golf tournament, in the health club, or in the halls.