How to work a room

Electric Perspectives, May/Jun 2003 by Roane, Susan

And, in the end, you don't have to do a lot to enter into a conversation-the top-rated icebreakers (in surveys of such things) are a smile and a hello.

Old Adages as Roadblocks

Everyone has conversational obstacles. For instance, we're told as children not to speak with strangers. That warning can stay with us through adulthood and prevent us from reaching out as we enter rooms full of people we may or may not know.

It is possible to reprogram ourselves by redefining the term "stranger." Every time we go somewhere, we should think of who might be there and what we have in common with them. As long as you need each other's support, business, and services, you have a lot in common with the people who are there, whether an executive, manager, staff member, or supplier.

Another obstacle is the forgotten name, especially when the person whose name escapes you knows who you are. It is always safe to peek at nametags, but if the person is not wearing one, bite the bullet and say, "It has been one of those days. Would you refresh my memory and tell me your name again?" This does not take away power-it shows honesty and will make a connection with anyone who has ever forgotten a name. And that is most of us.

Another roadblock is to rely on others for a proper introduction-something more than your name and company. The problem is that colleagues and friends don't always know what to say ("This is Joe. He's a manager at ABC Utility"), and they may not say it as enthusiastically as you would like ("Jill does some kind of financial thing at ABC."). You could avoid this, of course, by attending an event with a buddy who is as enthusiastic about you as you are about him. In lieu of that, however, you should prepare your own 7-to-9-second self-introduction. Some say you should have an "elevator speech"-that is, the length of an elevator ride-but 30 seconds can seem like a three-minute diatribe to someone stuck in the elevator with you. The point is to be prepared with something to say and not be caught off-guard and miss the moment.

The introduction should be a pleasantry that sounds and looks as if you are pleased to meet people. We all have met someone who greets you with, "It's nice to meet you," and yet speaks in a monotone as if he is bored to tears. The pleasantry should establish who you are, why you are there, and what your interest is in meeting them.

"I advise my staff to have an introduction with two parts," says Stacy Tetschner, executive director of the National Speakers Association. "One part tells what they are doing for this event or meeting, and the second lets people know what they do at the home office." For example, "I'm Jon. I'm here to make a presentation, and at ABC Utility I'm the head of environmental reporting." Tetschner encourages his staff to join professional associations and get to know their colleagues by using some of these same strategies.

Patricia Fripp, an executive speech coach and speaker, points out that the self-introduction provides the benefit of what you do rather than just naming your title. As a result, you give the other person a chance to ask the first question and begin the conversation. Turnabout is fair play.