Setting an example

Teaching Pre K-8, Feb 2000 by Kines, Barbara

We were in the topmost row of the symphony hall. A puffing, redfaced young man took a seat next to mine. Noticing his discomfort, I inquired why he hadn't taken the elevator. I have kids;" he said, I need to set an example,"

As the program progressed, my mind drifted to lessons that he was teaching his children. He was showing them what families can enjoy together, and just by purchasing the tickets he'd shown them that it's worth spending money in order to experience good music.

With parents like these, who value their children's cultural education, I'm betting that if their school district suggested cutting back on art and music instruction to save money, there'd be plenty of argument from the community.

Natural consequences. Sometimes life teaches children indelible lessons when all of our reminders and warnings are ineffective.

For example, consider the case of a boy who has forgotten his gym uniform. His school has a rule that says even on a beautiful day, when kids are bursting to get outside, the boy who has forgotten his uniform must sit by and watch his classmates run and laugh and stretch muscles that have been holding still all day.

That's disappointing and sad. But it's a rule; and by not making an exception, the teacher has taught more than just school rules. He's demonstrated natural consequences - what happens when we don't take the responsibility that is ours. It's the most naturally-occurring form of discipline and it's often overlooked, although there are frequent opportunities to enforce it in everyday school and family life.

Facts of life. The principle is simple: when you do or don't do something that's expected of you, there's a predictable result. When you forget your lunch, you have crackers and milk or borrow money from the office. If you copy answers, you get no credit for the test.

If the consequences are appropriate for their age level, we need to allow children to experience the results of their actions. Only then do the lessons stay with them and strengthen them for whatever life has to teach them.