Honesty and the classroom

Teaching Pre K-8, Apr 2001 by Glazer, Susan Mandel

"Be truthful, but kind" is the rule to follow for speaking honestly.

Have you heard yourself say, "Very good" when children do things correctly, appropriately or to your liking? I'm sure you've also listened to yourself say, "I love it," "Great job," "Wonderful," and "Good for you!" I bet you've used similar phrases during parent conferences, as well. Have you ever thought about what these blank, quite vague and off-the-cuff phrases mean? Have you thought about how children and their parents interpret them?

Miss Maybe, my first grade teacher, always told my mother, "Susan is great." I'd failed phonics and spelling and was moved from the highest to the lowest reading group and she still said, "Susan is great." At the same time, I was a tap dancer. I excelled in dance class and entertained at local charity functions. Victor, my dancing teacher told my mom, "Susan is great!"

Lickings and lollipops

Without explanation, you know that "great" for Miss Maybe and "great" for Victor had two very different meanings. Although the words were the same, Miss Maybes language was dishonest and also a polite "licking." I knew, even in the first grade, that my teacher's language was meant to cover up what she really thought: "I wish she had been put into another first grade class. She's a hard-to-teach kid."

Victor's words seemed honest, based on my mom's and my interpretation of the term. He always asked me to stand in front of the class so they could watch how I did the steps. When calls came to the studio for child entertainers, my name was generally the first mentioned. Victor's words matched his action and I felt that he always gave us a wonderful "lollipop."

Choices vs. directives

Children know when language is honest. They have the ability to understand what we "really" mean when adult words say something other than our body language implies. We do it all the time. We ask things like, "Do you want to read?" when we really mean, "You need to read your book now." We ask other questions that imply choice when there is really none to make. Children know that these kinds of questions are not choices at all, but directives delivered in a dishonest manner.

If this detrimental language isn't enough to ponder, think about all the alternative grading systems that have recently surfaced. Instead of "A," "B" or "C," some of us use 'T' for "Introduced the concept," "R" to mean that the child needs reinforcement and "M" means "Mastered the ideas." I've also seen checklists that have at the top, "All of the time," "Sometimes," and "Not at all." Some teachers prefer to use a rebus-alternative grade similar to the smiling, indifferent or sad face for the benefit of the very youngest school children. But even the five, six and seven-year-old youngsters know that the options for school evaluations are concealments for "A," "B" and "C."

We camouflage student performance because we camouflage a lot in our world. We attempt to disguise age by wearing inappropriately youthful clothing. Some resort to surgical face lifts. Others exaggerate experiences, making events larger than life. We even teach children to bluff by reprimanding them for their honesty. Following a four-year-old's comment to me, "You look old like my grandma, you have white hair." His mother admonished, "Oh, that's not a nice thing to say," indicating that the truth is bad.

Is honesty the best policy?

Be honest, but be kind. Tell children the reasons for your comments. If, for example, a child is off task for longer than necessary, you must say, "John, you need to do your work right now so you can finish it."

It's okay to use words like "great terrific, wonderful," as long as you tell children why their actions are such. "Great," you may say. "It's great that you are doing your work right now. Now you have a chance of finishing it before lunch."

Without exaggerating, tell children specifically what is expected rather than asking them to do something when there is no choice. When you want a child to read, don't ask, "Would you like to?" Instead, try saying to the child, "John, please come here and read your assignment to me."

Tell a child to "be quiet" discreetly and individually. Don't say, "Someone is too noisy," or your message will be, "Do as I say and not as I do." If you send home progress reports that are the equivalent of a grade, be honest. Honesty is like the cherry lollipop you save for your best friend. Care enough about the emotional welfare of your kids to give each of them a cherry lollipop and they'll be "honestly" happier for it

Susan Mandel Glazer is the Director of the Center for Reading and Writing at Rider University Lawrence, NJ, and a Teaching Editor of Teaching K-8. E-mail: glazer@genius.rider.edu