Tough Parents

Teaching Pre K-8, Mar 2005 by Barnes, Peter

Sometimes it takes all of a teacher's know-how to deal with challenging parents

My school district is blessed with countless parent volunteers and a PTA that spoils us with constant support. I greatly appreciate working in a school where teachers and parents genuinely help one another. Having made this disclaimer, I must admit that parents can be one of the most stressful parts of my job. Here are three recurring types of parents and some of the methods I have used to deal with them.

The excuse maker

The "Excuse Maker" believes her child has lived more than a decade without ever making a mistake. Her excuses range from humorous to preposterous. Got a C on the math test? "No, it couldn't be that April didn't study. She must not have slept well the night before." Michael got caught stealing from another student's desk? "You know, it was a full moon last night." (I've actually heard this one.) How do I deal with them? I carefully explain my classroom consequences for each infraction and politely remind them that responsibility leads to success.

Stuck in the past

The "Stuck in the Past" parent often has older children who graduated earlier. He compares everything to the past. "When Suzanne was here, they did those great American Revolution journals. Why don't you do those anymore?" or "I just don't get this new spelling program. Whatever happened to the Monday spelling list and test on Friday?" Taking the time to explain the value of new teaching ideas helps parents become more accepting. Meanwhile, I try not to take their comments personally, knowing they probably criticize all their children's teachers.

The big talker

This role is usually played by a father who wants to show how well he controls his household. When I call to talk about poor organization or bad behavior choices, the "Big Talker" replies, "That won't cut the mustard around here." Unfortunately, this confident talk often results in little positive action. The student still loses papers or refuses to raise his hand before blurting out an answer.

The next time I call, there are similar promises but little progress. The solution: a behavior contract with the student that uses positive incentives at school and home.

Turning challenging parents into supportive ones takes open communication and a little finesse, but the effort is well worth it. Both their child and your classroom are the big winners.

Peter Barnes teaches fifth grade in New Albany, OH.

E-mail: pbarnes@new-albany.k12.oh.us