Say it with flowers

Nursing, May 2000 by Ufema, Joy

HEARTFELT GESTURE

I'm writing on behalf of our pediatric nurses. Almost a year ago, a little girl named Amy died in our unit. I'd like to think that we love all our patients, but this child stole our hearts like no other. Most of the staff attended her funeral and have spoken by telephone with her mother. Do you think it would be appropriate for us to send flowers on the anniversary of her death? Our hearts say yes, but we don't want to upset Amy's mom.--CF.. ARIZ.

Please accept my appreciation (and a big hug) to you and the other nurses for your compassion and caring. I believe we usually do better in life when we listen to our hearts rather than our heads.

Seven years ago, on December 23, the son of a close friend was killed in an automobile wreck. The boy, Ian, was only 19 years old, home from college for Christmas. His father, Keith, was the interior design specialist for my project for AIDS patients at York House Hospice, and I loved Keith for his commitment to me and my mission.

At Ian's funeral, the church overflowed with mourners. The family's home was flooded with flowers, cards, and visitors. Months later, things settled down and all the caring family members and friends went on with their lives.

When December 23 came the following year, I sent flowers and a note to Keith and his wife Nancy. And I continue to do so every December 23.

Nancy called recently to thank me. We talked about Ian and I asked if it was still a good experience for her and Keith to get the flowers.

"Oh yes," she said. "I always have to take the day off, and Keith always has to work." Now crying, she told X me how meaningful the gesture is to them. "When I'm here at home thinking about Ian, I anticipate the delivery. Sure enough, it always arrives, and it's always beautiful.

"Joy, the biggest fear that parents have is that their dead child will be forgotten. Thank you so much for remembering."

And so, dear nurses, on behalf of Ian and Amy, I thank you too.