I wanna be a trailer junkie

Spectator, The, Sep 29, 2001 by Wakefield, Mary

Sarah, the stable-owning blonde explained, as she groomed an improbably glossy Welsh stallion, `It's just two feuding families who live there. They each own half the park. Whenever a lot becomes vacant, another posse of their children and grandchildren move in. On Sunday afternoons, after several pints, you can watch the two sides fighting, even the mothers, grandmothers and young children.'

Not an ideal setting, then, but still one with many appealing aspects: a community where children can play in a gang, low rent, and the glorious lack of anxious speculation about subsidence and mortgage payments.

But, of course, this is not the whole story of trailers in England. There are villages of mobile homes, varying in character, right across the country. Deanland, for example, is the polar opposite of the Westway park. A 70-acre former nudist colony in East Sussex, it is known as Dreamland to residents. Four hundred Soft trailers, each costing from L40,000 upwards, house retired or semi-retired couples who are subject to a strict vetting procedure before being allowed in, and who must abide by a long list of park rules. Doesn't sound like a barrel of laughs? Well, there's a bowling green, village shop, pub, restaurant, doctor's surgery, snooker club, choir, line-dancing lessons, and children are banned. After all the prohibitions, it's just a club for savvy pensioners who are united in thinking: sod the kids, let's play bridge.

The British Holiday and Homes Parks Association (01452 526911 or www.ukparks.com) will tell you that there are 170 such parks in England with about 250,000 permanent residents, as well as a good many more of the less organised sort. With house prices now rising beyond even the most farfetched fantasy, trailer parks are at least worth investigating. Whether you're 65 or 25, why not get a couple of friends together and invest in a luxury doublewide, a pair of plastic flamingos, a folding chair, and spend the 500 or so per month that you save in rent on beer?