Preparing for Your Exit

InTech, Jul 2005 by Gruhn, Paul

Cranial Gas

Consolidations, mergers, downsizing, layoffs... the only thing constant in life is change. It doesn't matter who you are or what company you work for, no job is secure, so you better be prepared for the inevitable. Here are some tips.

Always stay current in new developments and technologies. We all need new subjects to keep us interested. Personally, I'm now into home brewing. Hey, it's just one more new batch process to learn, complete with temperature, pressure, time, specific gravity, and safety issues! It's a great topic when networking, and shows where your real priorities lie!

Never forget "blackmail." Keep a file on your superiors of all those questionable activities you've been seeing, e-mails you've been copied, etc. If you can't find anything, make something up and lay a trap just so you can catch them in the act. Remind them that if you get canned, they'll get exposed.

Have fun before your exit. There are plenty of people you'll want to get back at. Play some good practical jokes. Leave a few things to be remembered by, some which might take weeks to find. No need to be malicious when you can do fun little things like connect a 140 decibel air horn to the power switch of your boss's PC. Spreading Limburger cheese in the stairwells (like some pranksters did in my high school once) is a little too sophomoric for a real business professional. Get those creative juices flowing!

And then there's simple revenge. Keep contact information of industry analysts (such as Jim Pinto). Such folks globally publicize industry news in their weekly e-mail broadcasts, newsletters, and web sites. You might as well rat on people and stupid company policies after you're gone. For example, cutting expenses during a business downturn is one thing, but having to use discarded paper copies as toilet paper is another. Burning bridges really doesn't matter so much anymore. After all, the company and the people probably won't be around for much longer anyway.

Disclaimer: The rantings expressed here do not represent the opinions of ISA, its local board, or any sane person - living or dead - that we know of.

by Paul Gruhn, P.E., C.F.S.E.