A death in the group

Group, Jul/Aug 1998 by Klotz, Stephen

1. Observe important anniversaries. Jordan's birthday is April 1a perfect fit for his joke-loving, prankloving personality. On the closest meeting night to his birthday, we held a brief outdoor remembrance and thanksgiving ceremony uniquely tailored to Jordan's nature. We lit smoke bombs in his honor and listened to a humorous reading that reflected his peculiar way of looking at things.

We acknowledged other significant events that made kids think of Jordan during the year: the spring senior high retreat, high school graduation, the Creation Festival, and our annual amusement park trip. As time passed, we laughed more and cried less as we reminisced.

2. Watch for cracks in kids' facades. Death brings waves of emotion to those left behind, advancing and receding with different intensities and rhythms in each person. We monitored our kids for veiled signs of uneasiness, depression, or despair. Some group members stuffed their pain for many weeks, finally allowing it to surface in unguarded moments.

At the Creation Festival, nearly a year after the crash, some of our kids broke down sobbing when the Newsboys played "Breakfast." We gave kids ample time that evening to let out their pent-up feelings, to talk, and to comfort one another.

3. Maintain family contacts. By frequently checking in with Jordan's family, we assured them and our group members that neither he nor his family were forgotten. We told them about our remembrance activities and passed on copies of kids' written mementos.

4. Nurture a renewed commitment to make a difference in kids' lives. This experience prompted us to notice and celebrate group members at a deeper, more personal level. We don't know how long they'll be with us, so we're determined to make a positive, faithful, lasting impact in their lives.

Stephen Klotz is a veteran youth minister in Pennsylvania.