Double honor

Group, May/Jun 1999 by Hill, E Christopher

A bad relationship with your senior pastor can derail your ministry to kids.

A good relationship can supercharge it.

Here's how Christopher Hill, youth pastor at America's fateset-groowing church, builds strength into his most important ministry relationship.

"I need help ...

I'm struggling to build a relationship with a terrible person-my senior pastor." Over the years, so many desperate youth leaders have whispered this prayer request to me. And time after time, I've seen damage in this key relationship derail some of the most powerful youth workers I've ever met-most end up leaving their church, some leave the ministry altogether. Their abrupt exodus typically has a devastating impact on both the youth group and the youth pastor. Sometimes it takes years to recover from this twoway church-hurt.

The youth leaders who've confided in me about their senior pastor problems place most of the blame on their leaders. They say they feel powerless to improve their relationships because their senior pastors are too busy, too unattainable, or too far removed from youth ministry issues. They typically feel like they have little in common with these "top guns" and sense indifference, fear, and hostility in response to their concerns and passions.

Here's the big problem with all this: Veteran youth pastors know it's nearly impossible to build an effective youth ministry without a healthy senior pastor relationship. I know that's been true for me. I've had great failures and great successes in youth ministry. The successes always came when I fostered healthy, long-lasting relationships with my leaders. It's a hopeless path to place the blame for an unhealthy relationship on the shoulders of your senior pastor. Instead, I've learned to be proactive about building relationship by "double honoring"1 those I serve under. For example. . .

1. Don't wait for your senior pastor to reach out to you. Senior pastors are often intimidated by the young people in their churches. Because you are the primary advocate for these teenagers, you can also be intimidating. In a strange way, that puts you in a position of power. It's up to you to defuse the climate of intimidation by working extra hard to connect with your pastor. It's likely he or she has no idea how to reach out to you.

2. Find ways to articulate your passions without discounting those who "don't get it." I think most youth workers are "justice people." We're crusaders for the underdogs in life-- we're passionate and driven people. So we tend to paint anyone who doesn't instantly buy into our vision for reaching young people as the enemy. This is toxic to your senior pastor relationship. Humility dictates that we lay down our pet passions and find ways to communicate our vision, using language our pastors feel comfortable with. How? Ask your pastor: "What key information do you want to know about our church's outreach to young people? How does my passion for fit with your vision for the church?"

3. Create informal opportunities for your senior pastor to interact with your young people. Ask your leader to tell his faith story at your next pizza party. Have him baptize kids who've made a commitment to Christ at an event. When you recruit new adult leaders, ask him to pray over them. See yourself as the intergenerational bridge between your pastor and your kids. When your pastor feels disconnected from teenagers in the church, he'll typically feel disconnected from you.

4. Don't allow past experiences to poison your present relationship. If you have a history of problems with authority figures, you may be subconsciously carrying that baggage into your senior pastor relationship. So start fresh on purpose. Don't permit unresolved anger to taint your evaluation of her. Give her the benefit of the doubt. And don't let your relationship with your pastor mirror your relationship with your parents, even if it was positive. I've met few youth leaders who enjoy being the "kid" on the ministry team. You're a pastor, not a child. You're a servant-leader, not the pastor's "pet."

5. Never try to drive the youth group faster or in another direction than your senior pastor has prescribed. When a church has two visions-one for adults and another for young people, it has what my senior pastor, Bishop T.D. Jakes, calls "Di-Vision." One of your chief responsibilities is to translate your pastor's vision for the church into your youth ministry. Remember, body parts that function apart from the head are useless.

E. Christopher Hill is a 16-year veteran of inner city youth ministry He currently serves as youth pastor at America's fastestgrowing church, The Potter's House in Dallas, Texas.