last temptation of your career, The

Group, Jan/Feb 2001 by Belknap, Bryan

Crushes aren't bad, but they can be hazardous waste if you see your kids as peers. Our psychological needs make this situation potentially explosive. We crave respect the same way drug addicts crave heroine. And that means you're working-day in and day out-with "pushers" who've got what you want. Guard your heart against the tempting rush of this ego boost! Remember that your kids don't know the real Star Trek-lovin, laundry-hating, early morning grump that is you. They're in love with someone who doesn't really exist--namely, their (large dramatic breath) do-no-wrong pastor.

Since I was determined never to date a student, I simply wasn't tempted when I learned someone "liked" me. I preprogrammed my response before anyone made an offer, which made it easy to do the right thing even when I was taken by surprise.

When I realized the power I had-the power to abuse my position-I was terrified. I knew I could choose anyone in the room and be virtually guaranteed a positive response to my attentions. I still face this choice every time I speak at a camp: Will I use my words and actions to point teenagers to Christ, or will I push a few emotional buttons to boost my own ego? This is exactly why God expects more from teachers-we can use our platform to bring great good or cause great damage.

3. Don't skimp on your alone time with God. We win the battle between our selfish ambitions and our desire for humble submission by passionately pursuing God. I spent two hours in prayer and Bible study every day before going to work. That time kept me focused and aware-- basically, it was harder for Satan to fly below my radar when I started my day with some serious wide-awake time. The time I spent with God in quiet kept me from treating my Christian faith as job description instead of a lifestyle.

4. Spiritual growth is all about intimacy-so make sure you compartmentalize when and where you're vulnerable.

I was never more attracted to a young person than when I saw her falling deeper in love with Jesus. There's nothing like the high we get when we're catalysts for deep transformation in kids' lives.

Likewise, the deeper my faith grew, the more students were drawn to me. As we all grew closer to God, we all grew closer to each other. This spiritual bond made romantic bonds with a teenager easier to slip into.

I defused this magnetic pull by avoiding one-on-ones with kids. Alone time with a teenager (especially of the opposite sex) is more dangerous than scheduling Kenny G to play Ozzfest. Most ministries have rules about this kind of thing (does yours?), but it's easy to fudge the rules when your interest is perked. Don't give in! Mere accusations have leveled ministries in the past (see the sidebar "Picking Up the Pieces").

After I left my college ministry position and moved to Los Angeles, I spent a lot more time with people my own age. I quickly saw how my perceptions had warped-the girls I was interested in were just that... girls. They were amazing, attractive, and godly... and not for me. I was a twenty-something out on his own and needed to wait for a woman who didn't have to be carded. Praise God I only stuck my toe in the dark pond! I pray you use my advice and avoid the shore altogether.