Communicating out the wazoo

Group, Jul/Aug 2001 by Case, Steve

reaching no-show kids

What do you do about your ghost kids-the ones who hardly ever show up at your planned activities? Communicate out the wazoo. Here's how.

"And lo, Jesus said, 'Verily my brothers and sisters, it is Wednesday night Let us rise up and go unto the temple for the youth Bible study.'"

Was the three-day-a-week youth ministry a staple even when Jesus was a teenager? The odds say.. yep. And if you couldn't make it Sunday morning, Sunday night, or Wednesday night, well, you just weren't interested. But today's teenagers are busier than ever. Some of them like what you're doing, but they're involved in so many other activities that they simply can't show up often enough to-feel like they're part of the group. They miss those retreats and lock-ins that help groups gel. They miss the inside jokes and obscure references that tag them as "in" or "out."

Some of these "ghost kids" are regulars for eight months, then disappear when basketball season starts. Some of them show up-- inexplicably-four or five times a year, every year. And these are the kids you worry about. When you ask, "When are you coming back to youth group?" they promise to show up right after track season or right after finals or right after spring play practice.

So how do you minister to the ghost kids in your youth group? I think the answer is constant communication.

1. write letter

Traditional newsletters are nice tools, but too impersonal to make an impact on ghost kids. Personal letters are another story. I started writing letters to my young people years ago. You don't have to write each of your kids individually-one handwritten letter photocopied for all of them will do the trick. But it must be like a letter from a friend, not a current events newsletter. Fancy graphics and glossy photos will only expedite the journey to the circular file. Why? Simply, because they don't communicate informal intimacy well.

In your letter, tell your teenagers about your day. Tell them stories. Tell them things you saw at the last group meeting that amazed you. Share recipes. The idea is to keep it as low-key as possible-nothing fancy. All you need is a pen or a word processor, a photocopier, and a ream of neon paper. The newsletter software that's available now is wonderful, but the look of your letter isn't that important. Your kids want a piece of you, not your marketing spiel. The letter should make your kids think, I'm part of something-- belong.

When I write letters to my kids, I reserve one side for off-the-top-of-my-head ramblings. The other side is a list of reminders for activities coming up in the youth group. I list times and dates for the next few weeks' meetings as well as down-the-line reminders about our mission trip or the winter lock-in theme. I even put a big X on the top of the page with the words "Place refrigerator magnet here" under it. You'd be surprised how many of the letters make it to the refrigerator if you just tell kids that's what they're for.

I've also added low-tech photos to the letter. I take pictures of the kids from our Christmas party, cut out their faces, and paste them on magazine covers. Yes, I use scissors and glue sticks, not expensive Or software. Now I have teenagers ask, "You've used Danny three weeks in a rowwhen are you gonna use me?"

I put together the letters on Sundays and drop them in the mailbox when I leave for our youth group meeting that night. Nearly every teenager receives a letter by Wednesday. It's a perfectly timed midweek affirmation and a reminder to show up for Wednesday's Bible study.

Make sure each person gets a letter, even if you have a brother and sister in the same house. Another nice touch-- take 30 seconds to jot a quick note on the outside of each envelope. For example: "Howzit goin'?" or "I heard you won the game-cool!" This tells each young person you're thinking just about him or her. I once had a set of best friends in my youth group-they did everything together. I started writing notes on their envelopes that only made sense when they held their envelopes together.

2. fire off daily emails

Last year I attended a youth workers' seminar and heard the speaker say things such as "Life is moving too fast" and "The Internet is teaching us to be impatient." These statements may be true, but the fact is the Internet is arguably your most valuable tool as a youth worker. If you want to "hit 'em where they live," you'll find many of your kids living on the Internet.

Do you remember what it was like to go to the mailbox when you were a kid and find there was something there with your name on it? It didn't matter if it was an ad for carpet cleaner; it was your mail. Kids today still get that feeling, but it happens online and it has a voice: "You've got mail." Those three words are akin to saying to kids, "Hey, I'm thinking about you." What a wonderful gift to give them. And you can do it every single day.

3. start an email newsletter

I think the easiest and most effective communication tool in your youth ministry bag is an email newsletter. Not long ago I started one called Talkin2Ja ("Ja" is a Jamaican word for God-say it like you've just sipped ice tea on a hot August afternoon: 'Jaaaaaaaaahhhhh").