An interview with Patricia Hersch: A tribe apart

I've been doing a lot of work in churches lately. And somebody told me they had this very powerful discussion at their church last week because one of the kids said something about not liking to have to go to church because she's not sure that she believes. Then one of the parents said, "Well, you know, I'm not sure that I know what I believe either." And the other kids said, Are you kidding? I thought that you adults always were sure about what you believed." And it just opened up this incredible discussion between the kids and the parents that will make all of them more comfortable in church.

group: Our passion at group is to serve Christian youth workers. They've got a difficult job in many ways-- they're helping to nurture teenagers spiritually while trying to somehow partner with parents to do the job. And some of these parents have totally checked out of the process-- the church is like a fast-food restaurant where they drop their kids off for their spiritual nurture. So if you were sitting in a room with six or seven of these people, what could you say to them to help them get these kids what they need?

Hersch: First, I'd tell them to create for the kids an inviting place where they can be open and comfortable to talk honestly about the issues that matter in their lives-a place where the kids feel they matter. I think that's the beginning-- to feel part of a community.

Youth workers can work with the kids to help them define their essential spiritually and bring it to the religion. There is no question that kids have an essential spirituality. And it's ready to be tapped. People misread my book sometimes and jump to conclusions about the bad things kids are doing. They say, "Oh, I bet those kids have no religion." And, of course, that's absolutely wrong. Most of the kids in the book have a religious affiliation. But that religion for most of the kids doesn't reach them.

Kids tell me that they go to church or synagogue and they want it to work for them. But they can't be honest about what they feel in those places because they have a lot of things that they're wrangling with that are considered outside of the purview of what they can discuss. Youth workers have to be willing to discuss everything, I think. And even if the leaders of the church wouldn't allow it, I think the youth worker should.

group: That's a message we've been preaching in group for a long time.4

Hersch: Yes, I've noticed.

group: But it's a hard message because many youth leaders will say, "That's fine, but I could get heat or even fired for that, and I have a family to feed."

Hersch: Yeah, well, don't tell the church leaders or parents. I just really think that it's necessary and if the church doesn't want to lose kids, then it needs to be done. I thinkyou can learn a lot about what moves kids religiously through the things that speak to them spiritually through other mediums... for example, music and art and poetry-- things outside of the realm of the liturgy.

group: What about youth workers' relationship with these kids' parents?