Guy ministry

Group, Jul/Aug 2002 by Lawrence, Rick

Wild at Heart author John Eldredge says the church teaches boys that niceness is next to godliness-and it's produced boring, confused men as a result. Here's his plan for releasing boys into the mission they were made for.

John Eldredge wrote a book for Christian men last year that not only rocketed up the best seller list' but also kick-started a whole new conversation about Christian manhood. Eldredge first made a splash several years ago when he co-authored, with Brent Curtis, the enormously popular The Sacred Romance. That book and its successor, The Journey of Desire, tangentially addressed true masculinity and femininity, but Wild at Heart is his first book directed specifically at men and boys. The timing is good. According to Bama Research, boys are less likely than girls to say they're committed Christians or are searching for meaning in life.

Not long ago, group's Executive Editor Rick Lawrence talked with Eldredge about the challenges facing youth leaders who are working to reach today's boys and what it will take if the church hopes to impact them for Christ.

group: First of all, what were the forces at work that led you to write Wild at Heart?

Eldredge: Boredom with contemporary Christianity, boredom with the church, and especially boredom with most of the Christian men I knew. But deeper than the boredom, I had something like a dull cry for the real thing. C.S. Lewis says, "I write the books I would like to read." And that's certainly true of Wild at Heart. What's being offered out there to men in contemporary church circles is soul-killing. And I couldn't take it anymore.

group: What role has the church played in churning out boys who enter manhood without really knowing what a man is supposed to be?

Eldredge: The church has done two things: one is a sin of omission, and one is a sin of commission. The sin of commission is that the church made the goal of Christian masculinity appalling to the heart of a boy. They've made the goal being a really nice guy. That's it. Be moral. Be responsible. Be reliable. And above all else, offend no one. Right from the start we're shooting for the wrong goal, and then we wonder why it's not working. We've set before young men a model of Christian masculinity that ignores who and what God made them to be from the start. The church's sin of omission is that we have no real [plan] for how to initiate boys into men. We have no understanding of it, and we have no program.

group: Describe what you think God meant boys to be.

Eldredge: Above all, they are dangerous. God made boys and men to be dangerous for good, for the kingdom. But the church doesn't like risk or danger, so we try and make it safe. And that kills the essence of the image of God in a boy. God made boys with three innate desires to fight a great battle, to live a great adventure, and to rescue the beauty. But that's not the invitation we extend to boys.

We tend to take the battle out of them by telling them there is no great battle or that the greatest battle they'll fight is... sexual purity. That's terrible. That's it? That's the highest goal of a man's life-what he doesn't do? That's framing Christianity in the negative. We don't sin, so our lives are heroic.

group: Why has the church moved in this direction? One of the top youth minister complaints is that the parents of their youth group kids fundamentally want a safe place for their kids, not a dangerous-for-the-gospel kind of place. Many youth ministers want to do something that's more risky and challenging for their kids, but they could face parent pressure or even lose their jobs if they do. What's driving the church to set safety as its highest goal?

Eldredge: Fear, and therefore control. We fear that if we give kids one inch of freedom, they'll take a mile... that if we give them permission to listen to the desires of their hearts, they will do naughty things. It's a fear-based ministry model. Therefore, control becomes the goal. We have to control their behavior so that they grow up to be like us--ead, passionless, but moral men.

group: Obviously, church people are not intending to hurt boys in this way... they would never list "dead and passionless" as their end goal for boys.

Eldredge: Of course we would never say that. As adults we have not faced what really drives us and what's really driving our ministry.. we just have never been honest about it. So these unexamined motives continue to rule us. In The Christian in Complete Armour, William Gurnall said it is the image of God in us that most infuriates the enemy. And it is against that image that he hurls his mightiest weapons,

At the root of the gender confusion in our culture, and therefore gender stifling in the church, is the hatred of the enemy toward the image of God in us. Men were made to show the valiant heart of God. And women were made to show the gorgeous heart of God. We don't invite boys to be valiant. We don't invite girls to be gorgeous.

group: Let's talk about that. What would a church activity look like that boys would come back from and say, "I can't wait for next week"?