Should I stay or should I go?

Group, Jul/Aug 2002 by Case, Steve

If you're ready to stick a fork in your current ministry, take our self-test first. Then stick a fork in it with a clear conscience.

-This indecision's bugging me/If you don't want me, set me free/Exactly who am I supposed to be?/Don't you know which clothes even fit me?/Come on and let me know/Should I cool it or should I blow?/Should I stay or should I go now?/Should I stay or should I go now?/ff I go there will be trouble/And if I stay it will be double/So you gotta let me know/Should I stay or should I go?"

In your case, it's not just an '80s The Clash song-it's down-anddirty youth ministry reality. If you're reading these words, there's a good chance you're right now so frustrated about something connected to your ministry that you're tempted to haul out your resume and start looking. Maybe you feel as if your nameplate has too often read "staff punching bag." And you're asking yourself, "Is this unhealthy for me? Am I just being too sensitive? Do I tell myself to just get over it, or is it time to shake the dust off my feet?"

I've created a simple test that will help you answer these questions. The answers won't make the decision for you, but they'll point you in the right direction. By the way, don't take this test when you're angry or stressed out. Take it in a quiet place where you won't be interrupted-- and be fierce about answering honestly.

score yourself

20 to 39-Why are you taking this test again?

40 to 69-Be strong. Make a few changes and you can make this job a dream.

70 to 99-Guess what? You're not alone. Everybody's got something to deal with. Problems are temporary. Sometimes you have to hit bottom before you start to see fruit in your ministry.

100 to 129-Ask for next Sunday off. Sleep in. Eat out. Take a day. Then reassess your situation and start over.

130 to 159-You may need more than a day or two off. Take a week to spend time with your family or friends. Or take a break to spend some time alone. Do something that has nothing to do with youth ministry, then come back and start again.

160 to 189-It might not hurt to update your resume. Keep your ears open. Check the want ads in your denomination's newsletter or visit an online job search site for youth leaders (www.youthministry.com or www.youthspecialties.com). It never hurts to be prepared.

Sometimes that's enough to make you feel better.

190 to 200-You already know the answer.

beyond your score

Don't read too much into this self-test...

1. Remember, all of this angst you're feeling could mean absolutely nothing. Pray, pursue clarity, then make a thoughtful decision. Don't let emotions or people who could pass for Job's friends be your surrogate decision-makers.

2. That person who's driving you nuts at your current church is waiting for you at your next one. Your nemesis will look different and have a different name at your next church, but he's really the same person. You'll feel as if you're in a Stephen King story-no matter how hard you try you can't get away. Better to turn and face him now.

3. Churches are afraid of change, so be patient. Church change is iceberglike. It moves very slowly, but nothing can stand in its way. If you're trying to make sweeping changes to your youth program, consider scaling back. You may think your proposed changes are obvious and relatively tiny, but more than likely you've been perceived as a bull in a china shop.

4. You're not alone--many of your peers are dealing with the same issues. Meet for lunch with a few youth workers in your area. Don't try to solve each other's problems-just sit and listen to each other. You'll be surprised how much better you'll feel.

5. Remember, this is your job-you have the right to be treated with respect by those you work with. It's tempting to believe you somehow "deserve" whatever's dished your way. Well, you don't "Ministry" isn't the Dutch word for "doormat." Jesus was no doormat-he endured abuse only when it was for the sake of his mission-in all other instances he stood up for himself (for example, all of Luke 20).

6. Maybe it's time to pull off to the side of the road and check your map again. Would others say you take your job home with you? Is your work negatively impacting all your relationships? Is it hard to see yourself doing this in 10 years? If you answered yes, you're likely in a rut. You can make a change by leaving for another church-or by doing something different right where you are. ff you haven't made a significant change to your ministry in the last two years, it's time.

7. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. God is likely using the trials you're experiencing to prepare you for the battles you'll face in the future. That's why he so often extols the virtues of discipline, pruning, and the refining fire in his Word (Hebrews 12:4-11). ff you leave before the refining fire has a chance to change you, you'll be too fragile to be used by God in the next place.

8. Stop asking God to fix your problems-ask to be a servant instead. Remember that God has a plan for your life (he said so in Jeremiah). If you're willing to go the servant route, then God will open doors for you at the right time.