Passionate pursuit

Group, Mar/Apr 2003 by Lawrence, Rick

youth ministry minute

GIVEANDTAKE

The other day I was sitting in a grocery store having lunch with my wife and 4-year-old daughter (actors eat at Spago, editors eat at the grocery store). Two booths away, two teenage guys from the private high school a couple of blocks from the store were acting squirrelly and eating unidentified food wrapped in cellophane.

A third guy showed up, triumphantly displaying the coconut he'd just bought and loudly declaring his intention to conquer and eat it. Pause. "Hey, how do you open this thing?" His friends smirked and offered no help. So the guy wandered past me to the plastic utensil bin and carefully selected the sturdiest plastic knife in the pile. Then he proceeded to jam the knife over and over (A la Norman Bates) into the coconut's hairy exterior, to no effect.

"Guys, I can't get this thing open!" Empty stares. So he flagged down a store employee, who shook his head a lot and tried hard to keep from rolling his eyes. Now, for me, this was high drama. Would he conquer the coconut? "The answer on tomorrow's Oprah."

Right about then I heard the far-off sound of my daughter's voice-my brain unconsciously registered a "Daddy, I'm asking you something" tone. But I didn't hear her. However, I did hear my wife telling her, "Lucy, don't bother Daddy right now, he's working."

Well, that statement forced my attention back to my family. I looked at my wife and she had a matter-offact, irony-free look on her face. She'd seen this same scene played out with me hundreds of times. I laughed out loud. She was right-the way teenagers interact, negotiate, and overcome challenges fascinates me. I can't help myself.

By the time I turned back to the boys, they were squirrelling their way toward the exit. Apparently, round 1 went to the coconut. I'll never know for sure. I had the vague, frustrated feeling of a guy who missed the last five minutes of a movie.

Those guys will never know it, but I gave them the gift of fascination-I mean, they had my full attention for a brief time. Paying attention is the launching pad for proactive fascination-for passionate pursuit. It may be the best gift we can give kids, because it opens their souls like a can opener. In turn, that can open them to Jesus.

According to the Communities In Schools organization, three out of five teenagers (60%) who get meaningful attention from adults say they're "very happy," compared with just over a third (37%) of those who say they get much less attention from adults. And two-thirds of adult-- pursued kids (66%) rate themselves as "extremely healthy," while only 5% of those who get less adult attention feel the same way.

So what does "passionate pursuit" look like?

1. It doesn't let tiny revelations float by under the bridge. Young peopie aren't exactly quick to open themselves for inspection, but they do float a lot of clues our way. A key to passionate pursuit is to jump on those clues like a fumble in the Super Bowl. For example, if you ask, "How's it going?" and the kid responds, "Okay, I guess," you've got yourself a clue. Follow up that clue by asking something like, "What would have to change in your life for you to answer 'Great!'?"

2. It always asks one more question. Most people give up way too soon when they're pursuing someone with questions. After your next encounter with a student, pause and ask yourself: 'What's one question I was vaguely tempted to ask, but didn't? Why didn't I?" Ask God to help you answer these questions, then the next time you're talking with a student, act on the nudge you ignored before.

3. It thinks like a detective. Passive pursuers let the pursued set the agenda. Passionate pursuers are always thinking one step ahead of the pursued, always trying to unlock that student's reality. Think of your students as mysteries you're trying to solve. Train yourself to enter every conversation with a mission to unravel that mystery a little more each time.

4. It's more predictable than the weather. Passionate pursuers don't give up. And the kids they're pursuing soon learn that truth. Every young person has a "push-away" strategy that tests adult pursuers to find out how serious they are. And every one of them has a critical mass that, once reached, opens their floodgates.

Rick Lawrence has been editor of grOUP Magazine for 15 years.