How (and why) to reach preteens

Group, Sep/Oct 2003 by Ramsey, Alan, Kimberly, Chad, Curtis, Bruce

Why more and more youth leaders are 'reaching down' to preteens, and what they're learning that'll help you minister to them

Not long ago I sat in my office listening to an adult volunteer in our preteen ministry tell me an eye-opening story that drove home the frustrating challenges he faces in ministering to his small group of fifth-grade boys.

The previous Sunday, when one of the "cute" girls walked into the youth room, a boy in his group responded with a shocking sexual comment. He quickly confronted the boy and told him, "We don't talk about girls like that." Then he asked, "Where did you hear that phrase? Do you know what it means?"

As he delved into the boy's story, he discovered that some of the girls in the group were talking about boys in the same way. His story silenced both of us-we sat in my office staring, wondering what we could do to help these kids grow in their faith.1

NOT YOUR GRANDFATHER'S PRETEEN

Obviously, we're dealing with a radically different social and cultural environment than the preteens of 20 years ago had to navigate. The forces influencing them are pushing them to grow up much faster socially, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Not too long ago preteens had to make choices that seem quaint in comparison to today's dilemmas. "Do we play outside or inside after school?" "What one TV show do I want to watch today?" "What subject in school is my favorite?" "What sport do I want to play?"

Now our kids are faced with complicated, stressful, and adultlike issues. "Do I join the swim team and give up youth group?" "Is it wrong to download a pirated movie that's still in the theater?" "Should I go see a PG-13 movie with my friend even though I'm only 11?" "Should I wait until I'm in eighth grade before having oral sex?"

Preteens are an emerging target for big advertisers, so every broadcast and cable network is working hard to deliver programs that capture this market. And the common thread among all these new programs is the not-so-subtle pressure they communicate to grow up faster.

Nickelodeon2 is a prime example. Its programmers have targeted preteens with shows such as U-Pick Live, really a miniature version of MTV's Total Request Live. On the show, viewers vote live for their favorite music videos. The network also offers TEENick, a weekly show broadcast live from the Hard Rock Cafe in Los Angeles and hosted by a teenage pop star. Between programs the host plays Spin the Bottle with a live studio audience. Instead of kissing, kids must do dares, stunts, and pranks.

The Discovery Kids channel3 on NBC also offers preteens older knockoff shows. Trading Spaces: Boys vs. Girls is based on the popular TLC show, and follows friends through a two-day challenge where they trade rooms and redecorate with the help of professionals. The channel also produces a show called Endurance, based on the hit show Survivor. Producers recruit 20 kids and take them to a remote island where they compete in tests of skill, speed, strength, and smarts.

If preteens had only their cultural influences to battle, it might be a fair fight. But the media has three unlikely partners as it pushes kids to morph into adults-the educational system, parents, and us!

Preteens now have AP honors classes and three hours of homework every night on top of the "normal" stress of school. I don't know about you, but I didn't have to face this kind of school stress until I was in high school. Meanwhile, parents are pressuring their kids to sign up for so many extracurricular activities that kids have no time to be kids anymore. And (gulp) we youth pastors add even more stress to their lives by pressuring them to commit to everything that our ministry offers and does.

HOW TO TARGET PRETEENS

In a perfect world of plentiful resources and volunteers, we could gear an entire ministry to preteens. We actually tried this at my church, and it worked well for a season. But economic realities and a shrinking pool of volunteer leaders made it difficult to keep it up. So we moved the fifth-graders back into the children's department and moved the sixth-graders into a middle school ministry.

Here's what we're learning about integrating preteens into our existing ministries.

1. Create a welcoming4, connecting atmosphere. Kim, a fifth-grader, wouldn't step foot into our youth room because she didn't know anyone. No matter what I tried, I couldn't persuade her to join us for our Sunday morning program. Her parents just wanted her to look forward to her church experience, but instead she stood outside our room with her arms crossed. Finally, they gave up and had her join them in the main worship service.

The next week I asked one of our volunteers to call Kim and invite her to meet before the program. They met, and within five minutes she knew one adult and three students. We learned that preteens won't stick around long if they don't feel accepted. They need to connect with their peers, older students, and adult volunteers. So challenge your leaders to go out of their way to build relationships with these kids.