How do you measure up?

Group, Sep/Oct 2003 by Lawrence, Rick

GIVE AND TAKE

I watched all this happen wide-eyed, like a stowaway on a space shuttle. It's the same feeling I have when our Web programmer tries to explain to me. . . well, anything really. Every time I checked to see how John was doing, I found myself repeatedly asking, "You're going to do what?" like an astonished mantra.

I felt so. . . pre-functional. So dwarfed by John's capabilities. I can't even keep our trees from dying of thirst. And here this guy across the street is engineering the landscaping equivalent of the Taj Mahal.

That feeling-the gnawing accusation that you don't have what it takes or at least don't have enough of what it takes or are masquerading as a competent adult-that's when you know you've entered enemy territory.

The other day I went to lunch with my friend Paul Allen, executive editor of our sister publication Rev. Magazine. He wanted to show me his new Tablet PC. For 15 minutes he tapped away on the tablet, playing the excited tour guide for his new tech-toy. As he tapped, smiled, and babbled, I was like a fourth-grader at MIT's grad school.

And that's exactly when that smooth, insinuating voice whispered, You're nodding your head agreeably, but you know how pathetic you really are.

What?

You know you're not just tech-challenged, you're really a poser in almost every area of your life.

No, I'm not.

Oh, yes-how did you get this job anyway? You don't measure up. You've fooled everyone for 15 years, but it's just a matter of time before you're found out. I bet it'll be today.

Do you know this voice? I've asked a lot of youth leaders this very question before, and most say they do. Some look at me startled, as if to say, "You too?"

Five or six years ago I had a Rip Van Winkle experience-I woke up to the reality of my life and realized I'd been half-asleep for most of it. Not that I wasn't talented, driven, competent, and sincere. I just didn't have a clue of what I was up against. I thought life was all about working hard and following the happy-life trajectory that most of us have accepted as our birthright. All those disappointments and heartbreaks? Well, those were merely energy-sucking barnacles attaching themselves to my happy-boat.

Now I know the truth.

Life isn't about securing the American Dream-it's about choosing sides in a great battle between good and evil, then learning to fight alongside God, our fierce and good King. Many of us feel called to youth ministry-really, it's more like we've been drafted and assigned to Navy SEAL boot camp. Three-quarters of all the Christians you've ever met made their commitment to Christ prior to age 18. That means your ministry to teenagers is nothing like the "positive cultural alternative" it's been labeled-it's a guerrilla encampment behind enemy lines. It helps to know that.

Not long ago I was asked to speak at a denominational youth ministry conference. Just before I walked into the meeting room, my wife called on my cellphone. Through her tears, she described a brutal encounter with some frankly wicked neighbors-she was scared, confused, and broken.

I found a seat up front, sat down, and tried to settle my soul to worship God before I got up to speak. I couldn't do it. I heard God say to me, "Your wife is getting attacked because of the spiritual 'weapons for warfare' you're about to offer these people. Fight for her." So, instead of opening with a funny story like they teach you in keynote school, I asked a roomful of strangers to pray for my wife first-to help me fight for her.

I heard myself say, "I was invited to speak to you because I'm editor of a magazine for youth leaders. But that's not who I am. At my core, my true identity is not husband or father or friend, either. I'm a warrior for the kingdom of God, an adopted son of the great King, and a conscript in his great battle."

And so are you.

If you're looking for your marching orders, I recommend John Eldredge's new book Waking the Dead (Thomas Nelson). I think it's a dead-on training manual for a life that's awake and ready to fight for the lives of teenagers. I'm with you.

Rick Lawrence has been editor of group Magazine for 15 years.