Lifeskills

Group, Sep/Oct 2003 by Merritt, Steve

EMOTIONAL HEALTH

the tyranny of unfinished ministry

How often do you take the bait? You know, how often do you punish yourself with guilt for leaving unfinished business at the end of every day? If you're a typical pastor, you have a built-in "people pleaser" microchip that compounds your guilt.

Here are some simple ways to get yourself unhooked from the tyranny of unfinished ministry.

1. Do something on the side that has a defined beginning, middle, and end. Unlike ministry, a hobby or project can give you a sense of completion. My wife and I ran a small cut-flower business that got us outside, surrounded us with beauty, and even made a few extra bucks for us.

2. Do something that energizes, something that replaces energy instead of depleting it. Whatever diversion you choose, don't do something that soaks up all your time, demands your commitment, or drains your brain. It should be something you control, not the other way around.

3. Remember, ministry isn't something you "finish," it's something you "practice." By definition, ministry will go unfinished. And that reality can help you rest because the goal isn't to finish. Finished ministry isn't your job, it's God's.

BRAINSTORMING

climbing out of the creativity bog

When I was a kid, my family would go four-wheeling in Colorado's high country. My dad was a stickler for taking care of the wilderness and staying on the marked roads, but every once in a while we'd end up stuck in a mud-hole. Half the fun of getting stuck was figuring out how to get unstuck.

It's easy to get bogged down; getting free is the trick. In her book The Artist's Way, author Julia Cameron offers a practical way to get unstuck from the creativity bog. She calls it the Morning Pages. Every morning write three pages of longhand about whatever you want. It's not for others to read (and even you shouldn't read over them at the beginning). They're not journal entries and aren't meant to be creative. Just write whatever comes to mind. Cameron advises, "Do anything until you have filled three pages," and do it every day no matter what mood you're in.

ASKING GOOD QUESTIONS

the art of curiosity

Remember Colombo, that pesky bulldog in the trench coat, parading around as the fool but always nabbing the bad guy? He exemplifies an often forgotten key to communication-curiosity. Without curiosity conversations dead-end or drone on in selfish chatter.

A friend of mine got stranded in a European airport for a day and a half with a group of strangers. The only thing this thrown-together group had in common was this brief but unfortunate situation of a missed flight. After getting over the initial frustration about being marooned, my friend enjoyed learning about and delving into the unique and diverse backgrounds of his fellow travelers. As time went on, though, he realized that not one of his compatriots had thought to ask him even one question about his own life and story.

I've noticed that this scenario is not at all uncommon. People rarely ask even the second or third question, let alone the seventh or eighth. Maybe it's because we don't want to appear pushy or invasive. While none of us enjoy being barged in upon, another answer rings more true-we don't like being ignored.

People have a strong desire to be pursued. We all want to tell our story, if only someone would be interested and curious enough to ask. The words "eager to know" are taken directly from the definition of curiosity, and all of us in some way are eager to be known.

What healthy curiosity isn't:

* It's not nosy, sniffing around for a tickling of the ears.

* It doesn't come across like a machine gun, firing off questions like an inquisitive 3-year-old (unless you're 3 years old).

* It's not a hunting trip, moving in for the kill.

* It's not the same for each person, coming across like a questionnaire.

Ways to develop healthy curiosity:

* Learn to love mystery, if something doesn't make sense, don't solve the mystery by labeling it with your best guess.

* Learn to love asking questions.

* Learn to love stories and to invite others to tell theirs. As with any good story, we're curious to learn what's going to happen next.

* Realize you have much to learn (watch Jeopardy!).

* Watch and learn with a child's sense of wonder and inquisitiveness.

* Read widely. Look again at the book of Job.

* Seek opposing viewpoints.

* Maybe buy an overcoat, carry an unlit cigar, and practice being a little pesky.

Steve Merritt is a longtime contributor to group and a counselor whose practice focuses on teenagers. He lives in Washington state.