Hungering for heroes

Group, Sep/Oct 2003 by Jenkins, Josh, McKee, Jonathan

HOW TO BUILD A MENTORING YOUTH MINISTRY-WHERE EVERY KID IS SEEN WELL, KNOWN WELL, AND CONNECTED WELL by josh jenkins

Just before we rolled out of the parking lot for our summer missions trip, I repeated my standard announcement that no CD players would be allowed. Many students surrendered their devices, but Jake didn't-I could see the headphones still draped around his neck.

I finished my announcements, then asked the group to get on the bus. As they did, I pulled Jake aside and repeated the CD player restriction. He told me he didn't have a player-just the headphones. When I asked why, he replied, "People leave me alone when I put them on."

Jake used his headphones to stay isolated from others in the group because he lacked basic friend-making skills. Even the prospect of making a new connection scared him into a "cone of silence." Like all kids he wanted to be known, but in his mind the price of connection far exceeded its rewards.

Jake is growing up in a culture that emphasizes passive entertainment-receiving skills. Very few of his cultural influences promote real skills for connecting interpersonally. He and others his age are masters at instant messaging and email, but too often fail to establish deep relationships-and they desperately need them.

Jesus showed us that true ministry happens in the context of relationship-his ministry was personal more than it was corporate. Sure, he preached to large crowds, but the vast majority of his ministry efforts happened one-on-one and in small groups. That's one reason "relational ministry" has been the hot youth ministry catchphrase for so many years. I'm guessing most of your best moments in ministry have come in the context of a one-on-one or one-on-some relationship.

Our best chance to deeply influence our students for Christ is to help them connect deeply with others. That's why mentoring is such a primary focus of my own student ministry.

BUILDING AN 'EVERY-STUDENT-IS-KNOWN' MINISTRY

Even if your group is small, it's virtually impossible to know every student well. Sure, we learn their names and know a few things about their interests and their family. But it's very difficult for just one person to truly know them-to understand them as people.

1. Mentoring surfaces kids' real issues. When your youth ministry becomes a mentoring ministry, you'll know your students-if not directly, then through trusted mentors. Your students need to know others in your ministry, but it's more important for them to be known by others in your ministry.

Ryan, an active member in our group, seemed content and happy. In his eighth-grade year, I started a mentoring relationship with him. Not until then did the truth about Ryan come out. He was flunking out of school, aggressively fighting with his mother, suffering from attention deficit disorder and clinical depression, and he had no male role model in his life.

By the time I got involved with Ryan as a mentor, he had three years in our youth group under his belt. But no one really knew him. In the context of a focused, committed relationship, the real issues in his life surfaced. Now, freed from his isolation, Ryan has the tools to manage his struggles more effectively. Often, the young people who seem to have the most problems are really the ones who are most desperate to be known.

2. Mentoring paves the way for experiential learning. In Matthew 14 Peter walks on water, then falters after looking away from Christ. The teaching connection is easy-don't take your eyes off Jesus. We smile and nod our heads, but this was no forgettable platitude for Peter. This experience changed his life. If Jesus had explained how important it is to remain focused on him, would Peter have remembered? You can bet he remembered forever the feeling of walking on water for a moment, then faltering.

Peter learned this lesson experientially. And it's experiential learning that most influences our kids' lives. Mentoring relationships provide the perfect opportunity for welt-prepared leaders to transform everyday experiences into experiential learning.1

Three students and I went to a local pizzeria to discuss a book that we'd been reading together. A young waitress named Sandy took our order, then questioned me about the books we were all carrying. I explained that we were part of a discipleship group at a local church. She pulled a chair up to our table and told us she could never attend church because she'd done too many wrong things in her life. She talked about her husband leaving her, the financial problems that plagued her life, and mistakes she'd made.

The students later confided that they could almost feel her guilt as she described her past mistakes. We never did discuss the book that day because God had given us a divine appointment with one of his suffering children. We shared with her Christ's forgiveness and love, and we invited her to church. The next Sunday she was there.

Our meeting with Sandy certainly had an impact on her life, but it had equal impact on those three students. Those guys will never forget that encounter, nor will they forget that God is at work in and through us, all the time. In contrast, they likely won't remember any lecture on evangelism they've ever heard.