Ministry to double-booked teenagers

Group, Sep/Oct 2003 by Mayo, Jeanne

HOW TO SHIFT YOUR MINISTRY FOCUS FROM A "COME TO US" MENTALITY TO A "GO TO THEM" MENTALITY

I've been in full-time youth ministry for more than three decades now. During that span, the day-to-day scheduling demands on teenagers have gone nuclear. And that means it's harder than ever to get kids to show up for the great stuff we plan. You know what I mean. . .

You've just finished the exhausting, time-consuming lead-up to a major event you're planning. You've promoted it every way you know how. And now you wait. . . wait for your kids to pile into your church for an experience they'll never forget. Then, hours before you open the doors, your telephone starts ringing. One by one, your key students are calling to tell you why they can't make it.

Their reasons all sound legitimate-the basketball coach adds an extra practice session; the band director calls a last-minute, mandatory meeting; a teacher springs an honors English test on her students so they need extra study time-but that doesn't dampen the despair that starts to build in you. You know for every student who was responsible enough to call, there are three others who simply won't show up.

So you tell yourself the kids who do show up are the ones God wants to do something in and through. You delay the start of the event, hoping a few more will straggle in. You start to think of alternate activities you could do instead of your carefully planned event-just so you can save it for a better time. But then you realize there are no "better times" anymore. You're directly competing with musicals, SATs, sports seasons, student council service projects, after-school jobs, homework, and your teenagers' do-or-die social lives.

So you make a brave attempt to hide your disappointment and get on with it. The few kids who show up seem to appreciate all your hard work. One junior higher says, "Thanks for the night. . . too bad more people couldn't be here. Maybe next time we'll have a better turnout."

Then the door shuts, the last student exits, and you're contemplating a long cruise to South America. But you can't stop caring about teenagers, and you really do want to make a difference in their lives. But how do you impact kids who are too busy to come around?1

I've been just as frustrated as you are about this problem-and I still am. But I've had many years to play trial-and-error, and I think I've learned a few things about reaching kids in a warp-speed culture.

1. Get out of your "church ivory tower" and get into their world.

We used to enjoy Field of Dreams youth ministry-"if we schedule it, they will come." Those days are gone. Now, we must make the shift from a "come to us" mind-set to a "go to them" mission. Christ modeled this truth when he gave up heaven for earth on a mission to redeem us. I call this ministry from behind a fence. Here's why. . .

One night I was at a high school football game when a young man I'd only briefly met badly dislocated his shoulder during a third-quarter play. He was groaning in pain along the sidelines near where I was seated. I pressed my face to the fence and offered some comforting words. But he seemed painfully alone as paramedics loaded him onto an ambulance stretcher. I saw his eyes and knew he was genuinely afraid. I called out, "Mind if I ride to the hospital with you?"

He stammered a little-I think he wanted to make sure his voice didn't break. Finally, he spit out, "No. . . I'd really appreciate having somebody come along. My folks had to work and couldn't make it to the game tonight."

Hours later, as we slowly walked out of the hospital emergency room, I realized that God had opened the door to some pretty significant youth ministry. That night my words from "behind the fence" carried far more weight than anything I've ever said "behind the podium." None of it would've been possible if I'd not shown up in his world.

2. Strategically arrange key events around "open windows" in your students' calendars.

One of the first things I do each year before my annual youth ministry planning session is make telephone calls to all the schools our kids attend. I carefully map their vacation breaks, finals, and the beginning and end of each major sports season. Obviously, we can't plan around all competing events and sports. But if you know your students, you can more carefully schedule retreats and events at times that are more open to them.2

I've even given local high school students a survey to determine the weeknight they'd most likely attend our youth service. Sometimes past traditions lock us into defeating scheduling patterns. In the words of a wise old saint I know, "The good Lord gave you a brain, and he isn't offended when you use it!"

3. Make sure you're influencing your key influencers.

Young people make time to do the things they really want to do. Sure they're busy, but take a quick look at their social calendars and you'll see they usually find time to do the things that are most important to them. Ouch.

That's why I make it a priority to influence the key influencers in our group. In the business world it's called the Pareto Principle-20 percent of any group creates 80 percent of the final results. That same truth applies to youth ministry. About 20 percent of your students will influence what 80 percent of your students decide to do.