Lifeskills

Group, Nov/Dec 2003 by Merritt, Steve

COMMUNICATION

green means stop

One of the most powerful guns in the youth ministry arsenal is the bazooka of availability. Relational youth ministry has been around a long time-being with kids, inviting them into your life. It wasn't until my wife and I started getting 20 calls a night that we had to learn how to become the incredible shrinking couple.

We found out that an answering machine can be on all night and a well-placed green light on the front porch can signal family night (we love you but go away). Team ministry is helpful here because someone else can be on call.

Our youth group kids witnessed our need to be a family, and they liked being told to go away. Sometimes what they need the most is for us to be unavailable. Youth workers often get pulled into trying to fill up the empty spaces in kids' hearts (or in their own), but we must ultimately remember only God can do this. A well-placed green light leaves room for him.

RELATIONSHIP

'be real' friends

Anyone who likes moving needs to talk with a professional. I'm talking about moving, mind you, not traveling or the excitement of something different or having a crack at a new opportunity, but packing and unpacking-you know, the tasteless part of moving.

My current tirade might be because I haven't recovered from our last move two months back. We've moved nine times in 19 years, and maybe that's why my wife and I didn't recruit a moving crew. I figured, I hate moving; why submit another one of God's children to hard labor and dread?

We'd been hauling stuff all morning, when a good friend came by to help. After asking where all the rest of the moving crew was, it hit him-he was the rest of the moving crew! That's when he called me a cold fish! Actually that was just his introduction; he went on to give me an "iron sharpens iron" tongue-lashing about how I'd robbed others of the chance to bless, to laugh, to serve, and best of all, to eat pizza and corporately extol the evils of moving.

I needed someone to have the guts, passion, and fortitude to say this. Someone who cared enough to confront my scaly, fishy heart and call me back to relationship.

We all need "be real" people in our lives, especially those of us in ministry. We of all people should hunt down friends who'll speak into our lives. We do this for others, but who purposely does this for us? Find someone that you can be real with, who will require that you're authentic as well. Make this a code-red high priority in your life, even if you have to move to do it. It's that important!

SPIRITUAL GROWTH

the art of seeing and seeking

Have you ever been stopped dead in your tracks, literally stunned by something that filled you with wonder and awe? Years ago on my way home from college, I witnessed a total eclipse of the moon. At first, those of us darting along the highway just motioned and pointed to one another, but as the moon continued to retreat behind the ominous shadow of the earth, time seemed to stop, and four lanes of hurried commuters were converted to awestruck spectators. Beauty had kidnapped our attention.

Beauty is like that; it's disruptive, breaking into our lives to point us toward goodness and truth. After seeing God's "now you see it... now you don't" act with the lunar disk, I didn't feel small; I just felt less the point. The problems I was ruminating over moments before seemed significantly less important.

Eclipses don't happen every day, but I've come to realize beauty "happens" more often than we have eyes to see it. The various faces of beauty pop up like signposts along our journey here, reminding us of an inescapable God. Laboring under the backpack of ministry can cause us to focus our gaze downward along the rocky path, at the next tiring step, tempting us to forget the evidence of God's goodness... but beauty faithfully calls us back.

Another important truth about beauty is that it comes with a built-in ache. Because we're made for God, only he will completely satisfy our hearts. Therefore, beauty, even in a trillion different forms, gives us only tastes and sneak peeks, hints of a home we haven't seen yet. Beauty calls us to remember (exercising our need for faith), and at the same time it calls us forward to a place we have yet to see (deepening our need for hope). Because of this it's important to train our eyes to see beauty; but not only that, we must at the same time give ourselves permission to purposefully seek it as well.

Learning to see-Begin to train your eyes to see beauty through some form of artful expression. Years ago I took up photography, which opened up an entirely new way of seeing. What have you wanted to try but haven't? Dance, pottery, painting, writing, carving, sculpting, cooking, acting, singing, poetry, playing an instrument, planting something...? Any form of art heightens awareness of beauty. Jump in and try your hand at something new.

Learning to seek-Cultivate beauty by planning two or three excursions in the next couple of months. These needn't be expensive or complicated, although they do need to be a purposeful pursuit of beauty. See a play, concert, game, opera, ballet, or a good movie; read a classic or well-written novel; hike, drive, boat, or camp; cook something new and different and invite friends over; visit art galleries or museums; partake in a personal service project that's not related to youth ministry. Then use what you've learned about God's character in your times of meditation and prayer.