Humility in Christ: The foundation for Christian friendship

Spiritual Life, Summer 2000 by Yohe, Katherine M

OFF AND ON FOR THE LAST DECADE, I have been researching, reflecting, and writing on Christian friendship, attempting to discern what creates and maintains this great gift. Most recently I have been pondering Philippians 2:1-11 and wondering if humility is the foundation for friendships in Christ. In this passage, Paul is writing to the Philippians about their community life and exhorting them to take on the mind and heart of Christ. In doing so, he focuses on both the humility of Christ and the need for humility in the Christian community.

If the Philippians desire community, then they must take on the humility of Christ in their relationships with each other. "Have this mind among yourselves," exhorts Paul, "that which is in Christ Jesus." Paul then describes the humble, self emptying of Christ in obedience to the Father and in service to humanity. Paul, in his letters to the Christians at Colosssae and Ephesus, also focuses on humility as one of the necessary virtues for community life: "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience" (Col 3:12); and, "Live a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and meekness, with patience" (Eph 4:1-2).

Paul does not mention friendship in these verses, but his description of the relationships to be found among the Philippians parallels the language we associate with friends: "affection and sympathy," "having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind." Friendships, by anyone's definition, are relationships of mutual affection that include a certain unity of mind and heart. It seems to me, therefore, that Paul's advice for forming and maintaining a Christian community would be equally good advice for forming and maintaining Christian friendships. Perhaps it is even true that Christian friendships are simply the one-on-one relationships that bind together the assembly of Christ, so that what creates community is what creates friendship, and vice versa.

This article explores the thesis that humility may be the essential foundation for Christian friendship. To do so, I will explore three different facets of Christian humility-lowliness, service, and self knowledge-and show how each of these can contribute to friendships in Christ. Together they do seem to create a sure and sturdy foundation from which to build and maintain Christian friendships.

Humility as Lowliness Exalted in Christ

The Greek term for humility, used in the New Testament, is TaxEivoa, which means abased, lowly, or of lowly position. Those who are lowly are necessarily in the position of looking up to others. The term also has connotations of weakness and neediness. The humble person is contrasted with the one who feels superior, above everyone else, complete in his- or herself.

Nevertheless, in the "foolishness" of Christianity and the amazing paradoxes of God, this lowly position is simultaneously a position of privilege and honor, for God consistently exalts, raises up, and empowers the lowly. Thus the Lord is praised in Mary's Magnificat for putting down the mighty from their thrones and exalting the lowly (Lk 1:27). Peter, quoting Proverbs, states that "God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble" (1 Pt 5:5, citing Pr 3:7 LXX). Paul rejoices that in his lowliness and weakness, God's power is manifest. So too did the Father raise up and exalt Jesus Christ from his humble death on the cross (Phil 2).

How would this lowliness, with its paradoxical exaltation, be a foundation for Christian friendships? First of all, it seems to be a prerequisite for being filled with and living in the Spirit of Christ. We can't receive God's greatest gift, his Spirit, without recognizing our lowliness, our incompleteness, our need for God. Humility also turns us towards God's loving face. When we realize that we can't survive on our own, and don't want to, we can turn to God who yearns to fill us with his love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self control-all the fruits of the Holy Spirit (Gal 5:22-23). It is this Spirit, in turn, who creates true Christian friendship, or as it is sometimes called, "spiritual friendship." As St. Augustine writes to the Lord, "For friendship cannot be true unless you solder it together among those who cleave to one another by charity `poured forth into our hearts by the Holy Spirit who is given to us.' "1 If humility is a prerequisite for receiving the Spirit and the Spirit is the cement in Christian friendship, then it seems only logical to view humility as a prerequisite for Christian friendship.

Second, the lowliness of Christian humility does not just relate to our stance before God. It influences our stance toward other humans, including friends. Christ wasn't only humble before the Father. He was also lowly before his fellow humans: living an insignificant life for thirty years, associating with the outcasts, being content to be thought of as one of no account, "becoming sin" so that we may become holy, and becoming needy in those who are naked, hungry, thirsty, and imprisoned.