Humility in Christ: The foundation for Christian friendship

Spiritual Life, Summer 2000 by Yohe, Katherine M

Mother Teresa connects humility and friendship this way:

The true way and the sure way to friendship is through humility-being open to each other, accepting each other just as we are, knowing each other.T

For Mother Teresa this meant seeing Jesus in those who suffer and treating them as him. Thus, she can tell a story of a man stricken with AIDS and jailed for "terrible crimes" whom she took into one of her homes for the dying. She quotes him as saying to her shortly before his death, "Mother Teresa, you are my friend," and she praises him for the profound love he developed for the crucified Christ:

This was someone who hadn't been to confession or received Holy Communion in 25 years. In all those years, he had had nothing to do with Jesus. Yet he told me, "You know, Mother Teresa, when I get a terrible headache-the disease gives terrible headaches-I compare it with the pain that Jesus had when they crowned him with thorns. When I get that terrible pain in my back, I compare it with Jesus when he was scourged. When I get that terrible pain in my hands and feet, I compare it with the pain Jesus had when they crucified him." There you have an example of the greatness of love in the love of this young man, the victim of such a terrible disease. He had no hope of surviving. And yet see how he loved!8

Note how this saintly woman's humility allows her to look up to others-especially those whom society has despised and forgottenas Jesus himself, and to see their gifts and virtues. In this remarkable account, such humble love allowed this man to become Mother Teresa's friend.

As part of my "research" for this article, I have been thinking about the people I know who have an outstanding capacity for Christian friendship and trying to analyze what exactly sets them apart.

A common characteristic of all these great friends is that they see the giftedness of others, are quick to praise and honor anyone they know, and put people at ease by their humble attitude toward themselves. They say with genuine joy to a wide variety of persons, "It's wonderful to see you!"

Humility in Christ as Service

The lowliness of humility in Christ isn't just a mental attitude; it acts outwardly in service. Paul exhorts the Philippians to look not just to their own interests but to the interests of others. When he writes of Christ's humility, he links it directly to Christ's taking on the form of a servant. As a servant, Christ responds to the requests made of him-whether to create more wine, heal a sick daughter, or to raise a brother from the dead-and he feeds crowds, speaks kindly to outcasts, and prepares breakfast for some tired fishermen. Jesus, in John's Gospel, links humble service, love, and friendship in his Last Supper discourse. He speaks of himself as the disciples' friend, washes their feet, and, in light of his imminent death, tells them that there is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends.

If I were truly humble, I wouldn't find any task too small, too insignificant, or too hard to do for a friend. As always, arrogance and pride pull us in the opposite direction. When giving in to pride, I become fixated on my own needs, plans, and schedule. I become blind to the needs of others, and, if perchance, I do see others' needs, I won't make time to meet those needs because it would detract from my own projects. Dietrich Bonhoeffer astutely notes in Life Together,