Humility in Christ: The foundation for Christian friendship

Spiritual Life, Summer 2000 by Yohe, Katherine M

Along with a lowly heart, self sacrificing service is another characteristic of those I know who have an exceptional capacity for friendship. They truly look not to their own interests but to meeting the needs of their friends. A service performed by a young mother, struggling to care for her eleven-month-old twin boys comes immediately to mind. Her twins demanded so much of her time and energy that the only time she had for herself was when they were sleeping. Nevertheless, she would use this time to serve others. On one occasion she packed up her boys and their port-a-cribs and lugged them off to the home of a friend. The latter was pregnant with her second child and slowed down by weeks of nausea and fatigue. There she put her twins to sleep and spent her precious free time cleaning the home of her friend. Moreover, she did so with joy, exclaiming that being able to serve her friends helps her look beyond the tiring cycle of caring for her own dearly loved boys.

Humility as Self-Knowledge and Honesty

On occasion, humility is defined in terms of self knowledge and honesty. From this perspective, the prodigal son had to be humble before he could return to his father's house. Scripture speaks of this humbling as literally a "coming to himself." In a distant land, eating the husks thrown to pigs, the son, in a moment of grace, saw clearly who he was, from whence he had fallen, and why he had fallen. Humility allows us to "come to ourselves," seeing who we are with a great deal of clarity. When humble, I am not afraid to look at my weaknesses and faults, even to seek them out with a fine-toothed comb. I am glad to be honest before God about what I have discovered, knowing of course that God already sees everything better than I ever will. Yet, humility also allows us to see our gifts with clarity. This clarity, however, leads us to give thanks rather than boast because we see that our gifts are just that, gifts. We have been blessed to have received the raw abilities, the training, the support and encouragement from God, our parents, our environment, our teachers and coaches, and our friends too.

How does self-knowledge and honesty foster and sustain Christian friendships? A certain understanding of each other's inner character, desires, struggles, and victories is traditionally thought to be part of true friendship. In some cases, this knowledge comes almost instantaneously because of an uncanny similarity between friends: we understand our friend's heart and mind because he or she feels and thinks just like us. Such rare friends are sometimes referred to as "soul-mates." But if we want to be able to befriend those who are different from us-and a lowliness in Christ can create this desire then we will have to work at creating a mutual understanding through conversations. First, we have to know ourselves well, and second, we have to be honest enough to reveal to our friends what we have learned about ourselves. Humility allows us to take both of these steps. Humility not only allows us to open ourselves to a friend, but it creates an environment where the friend can be open also. If we admit our struggles and dreams, our sins and the victories God has wrought in us, our friend feels freer to do so without fearing rejection.