Family violence

Aboriginal Nurse, The, 2002

15- Family Violence

The community knows which families are living with violence, but we all keep the secret. It is only when we break the silence and learn to accept that we have a problem, the healing can begin.

Be sure to read Part 1 before working on this unit. See these other units for more issues related to family violence:

Unit 1 - Parenting

Unit 3 - Child Sexual Abuse

Unit 11 - The Residential School Experience

Unit 16 - Sexual Violence

Introduction

Strong communities work hard to provide a safe environment for their members to live, work and play. More and more Aboriginal communities are helping our members rediscover the traditional values and relationships that existed among them before colonization.

Violence in Inuit, First Nations and Metis families is a concern in many, many communities, but survivors and abusers also are breaking the silence and promoting healing in their communities. Abusive behaviour was learned over many generations, but community leaders believe that the cycle of violence can be broken by teaching the traditional values of equality, respect and cooperation.

Growing up, I thought it was normal for a man to beat his wife.

I can remember the first time I realized it wasn't okay, I was about 8 years old, it was when the next door neighbor was talking with my mom in our kitchen and she looked at my mom and asked, "Did he do that to you?" My mom didn't say anything. But because of the look on the neighbour's face when she saw my mom's black eyes and bruises, it was the first time I realized it wasn't okay. Up until then, it was normal.

Metis woman living in northern Ontario

What Does Family Violence Mean to Aboriginal People?

"My ex-husband was violent. When I married him I had to leave my home reserve. I felt so isolated. He intercepted my mail for seven years. My family didn't even know where I was.

It was like someone took a gigantic eraser and wiped me from the face of the map. He nearly destroyed me."

"Very hurting. You keep on remembering even if you try to get it out of your mind."

"People beating up their kids."

"Problems affecting the home life, mostly from drinking. Family members have to leave for safety."

"No understanding, no communication, fear in the home, no freedom, feelings of not being wanted."

"It's within all families in some degree. The sooner we admit to ourselves it exists, the better. It's painful, but to hide it, it gets worse and more people get hurt. "'

Ending Family Violence in Aboriginal Communities

As Aboriginal communities address the many problems that have resulted from the separation of families and the loss of cultural values and traditions, they must address violence in the home. We want our children to grow up in homes that are safe and happy.

We want our women to be treated with respect and dignity. We want our men to rediscover their inner strength so that they don't feel the need to use physical force or to control their families and communities.

Even though most Aboriginal women are silent about the physical assaults suffered in their homes, different studies show that as many as 80 percent have been abused by a partner.2 When the community thinks that physical assault in the home is a private matter, they are closing their eyes to a problem that will continue to grow. It is not possible to live a healthy life when you are the victim of continuing violence. It also is important to remember that:

a woman is more likely to physically assault her children while she lives with an abusive man

many abused children grow up to be abusive parents

many boys who see their father abusing their mother will abuse their partners, and girls who see their mother being abused may grow up thinking that violence is normal in a relationship

When communities decide that they want to become violence-free, they are protecting everyone. Together they can work toward teaching parents and young adults other ways to solve family problems. Parents can learn to be positive role models for their children to model in their own future families. Family love, respect and acceptance can replace family violence.

Steps to Creating a Healthy Environment

Public Awareness - posters, flyers, newspaper articles, pamphlets, public meetings, displays, forums and media coverage. These activities get the public to

begin to think about the issue, and influences them to take positive steps to decrease family violence.

Public Education - provide information and skills to put information to use. Possible topics include: self-worth and self-esteem; changing roles of Aboriginal men and women, parenting and communication skills; anger management and the impact of family violence in the community.

Community Action - a planned and coordinated effort by individuals, agencies and groups to make positive changes toward improving the quality of life in the community.

Community Policy Making - influencing community leadership to incorporate concern about family violence into community guidelines or codes.4

Pilot coordinator Julie says: