Consulting With Parents of Elementary School Children

Counseling and Human Development, Nov 2003 by McFadden, Stephen W

Parents can help children appreciate the value of something by comparing it to similar objects rather than comparing today's prices to prices when they were growing up. Again, using the American Girl doll as an example, children might not understand how $100 today would have bought the whole Barbie doll collection years ago. But by comparing a variety of dolls on the current market, a child will be able to see how the American Girl doll stands head and shoulders above the competition. With this appreciation generally comes a heightened interest in caring for one's possessions, not neglecting and replacing them.

By helping children to not want much, to learn to do without, and to appreciate the value of things, parents bestow invaluable gifts-gifts that keep on giving throughout a child's lifetime.

Less Talking, More Listening

Coming from someone whose profession encourages others to "talk things out," it seems to me that we, as a society, may be talking too much and not listening enough. Not that fostering self-expression in children is wrong-but allowing them to talk incessantly is.

In their efforts to include children in discussions and share in the decision-making, parents and teachers continually seek the opinions of children. This makes a child feel appreciated, respected, and confident. The only problem is that while parents and teachers encourage children to "throw in their two cents' worth," many are throwing in a dollar.

Based on my classroom visits and general observations, it seems as though everything is debatable or warrants a comment, and that children need to verbalize their thoughts immediately and often. I'm not proposing a return to the days when adults insisted that children be "seen and not heard." Rather, children should be heard-in moderation.

From a social-skill perspective, talking too much or at inappropriate times is improper. It is inconsiderate and disrespectful to others to call out, interrupt, argue with an adult, and dominate a conversation or discussion.

Something all children must eventually learn is that they are part of a larger community, for example, a class or a family. With this insight, children soon realize that they cannot always receive attention or have "the floor." Moving from an "I" to a "we" mentality enables children to consider the needs of those around them and learn to share their time in sharing their thoughts.

Before sharing one's thoughts, children can be taught to ask themselves a few questions.

1. Is what I have to say necessary to share?

2. Is what I have to say related to the topic at hand? Nothing derails a good lesson or discussion like an errant question or comment. And the potential odd looks and laughter from peers can cause the commentator a great deal of social embarrassment.

3. Is now a good time to share? Am I interrupting or intruding?

Again, thinking of "we" and not "me," parents and teachers can help children to be brief and to the point. It is socially inappropriate for children to assume that everyone has ample time for and interest in what they have to say. One creative technique that can help children organize their thoughts and express them succinctly is to teach them to think and talk in "headlines." A good headline requires minimal attention and communicates efficiently. For example, conflict at lunch and recess, need to talk. And when children seek your advice for an alternative activity to talking, you can promote the importance of its companion-listening. As the Old West Abenaki story goes, we are given two ears to hear both sides of every argument and one mouth so we can speak only half as much as we listen.