Kids having kids

Lutheran, The, Nov 1999 by Green, Debra Illingworth

she was welcomed not just into the family of God. Along with her teen mother, Jenica Buschke, she was also welcomed into the congregational family of St. John Lutheran, Beaver Dam, Wis.

"My church is bending over backward," Busche said. "They're so supportive."

Some teen parents may not be as lucky. "'They feel dirty because of the way people look at them," Buschke says, describing the experiences of teen parents she knows who have dropped out of church.

But congregations that welcome teenage mothers and fathers can provide a positive community to embrace and support the new family.

"I've heard some real disheartening stories about congregations' reactions to teen pregnancies, such as girls being told that their babies can't be baptized," says Rae Ann Bloomquist, pastor of St. John. "Congregations need to recognize that these children and their children are in fact children of God. Yes, they've made mistakes and the mistakes are big, but treat these girls with patience and dignity."

Buschke is grateful for her congregation's prayer and support (see box, page 34) as she works toward high school graduation and her goal of becoming a nurse. She admits that having a baby at 17 "isn't the best thing a teenager can do, but it's not the end of the world. If you ask for God's help and guidance, everything will be OK."

Still a problem

Although the rate of births to teen parents has been slipping nationally in recent years, nearly 500,000 children were born to teenagers in 1997, the latest year statistics are available.

When churches believe teen pregnancy isn't an issue in their community, they're usually not looking hard enough, says Andrea Utrie, a Wisconsin teacher who coordinated a teenparent program for her school district.

"It's just well-hidden," says Utrie, a former bishop's assistant in the SouthCentral Synod of Wisconsin and current member of First Lutheran Church, Beaver Dam, Wis.

Congregations can provide moral guidance to help teens make good choices before a pregnancy occurs. In an open atmosphere, youth may be more likely to ask questions, seek advice and ultimately make responsible choices. "We tend to think that because there is so much sexual information out there, they know about it," says Bloomquist, who helped start a program to mentor teen parents. "It's hard to realize how ignorant they are."

Utrie advises congregations to take a prayerful, learning approach if they want to help teenagers. Talk with local and state educators and those who work with teen parents.

"One thing I ask congregations to do is dispel myths about teen pregnancy, such as: 'All teen parents are promiscuous'; 'If we help teen parents, having babies will become more attractive'; or 'Teens are only responsible if they give up their babies for adoption,"' says Utrie, who wrote a 30page booklet for churches (see page 34).

Baby? Think it over

Congregations can try to help reduce unplanned teen pregnancies through recreational activities. First, just a block from a middle school, opened a drop-in youth room with adult supervision. Several afternoons a week 15 to 20 youth stop by to shoot pool, play foosball, watch television, eat free snacks or drink low-cost soda.

"We're just trying to provide a safe place, a place where they belong," says Yvonne Steindal, associate in ministry. "Out of that a lot of faith discussions come out."

Churches also can provide education. From her experience setting up a "speakers bureau" of teen parents, Utrie knows young mothers often can reach their peers when adults can't. "They talk about the impact of pregnancy on their bodies, they talk about costs," she says. Simply understanding the responsibility involved with children is enough to persuade many teens to forego sex or be more careful, she adds.

Devices that simulate a newborn's activities can promote caution among teens by teaching that a baby demands constant attention. St. John donated two "Baby Think It Over" devices to the local school district.

Bethel Lutheran Church, Madison, Wis., takes a more direct approach. Its youth joined the ecumenical movement "True Love Waits," which asks teens to sign cards pledging to abstain from sex until marriage.

Bethel held a "True Love Waits" rally in April-attended by 1,000 youth-"to celebrate that they're taking this stance," says Kristen Goelzer, the church's youth director.

Goelzer says 62 youth signed the commitment cards. "We don't pressure kids to do it," she says. "Some didn't, but they came to the rally. It's a step for them to see there is a higher calling for them."

Katie Young, a Bethel member and high school sophomore, attended the rally and made the pledge. "It was cool seeing so many young kids pledge to not have sex until marriage," she says. "Signing a card is a small part of it. It's more of deciding to [abstain] and going out in the world and being strong."

How churches can support teen parents

Church life. Include teens and their children in worship as lectors, ushers, etc. Mention the young families in the prayers. Invite them to church activities. Let them share their stories, especially with youth who can learn from their experiences.