In praise of praise

Lutheran, The, Nov 2003 by Brussat, Frederic, Brussat, Mary Ann

It's needed in our culture of complaint

Motivational speaker Loretta LaRoche says 75 percent of daily conversation is negative. We complain about the weather, the traffic, the schedule and sleep. So she's printed a bumper sticker that says "STOPGLOBALWHINING!"

Her observation and slogan are right on target. One result of our intensely competitive and adversarial culture is that people are cautious about praising others. Those who do so are considered soft or indulgent. It's much more acceptable to criticize, carp and complain.

Ours is also a consumer culture, so it's considered normal to be dissatisfied with what we have and always be looking for something more, better or different. How much happier we would be if we recognized praising as a spiritual practice.

If we are honest with ourselves, we have to admit that we all have a deep need to be appreciated. It's truly wonderful to get a word of praise for something we've done. It's equally nourishing to express our appreciation to others freely. In the wise words of early 20th century writer G.K. Chesterton, an Englishman and Roman Catholic: "The aim of life is appreciation; there is no sense in not appreciating things; and there is no sense in having more of them if you have less appreciation of them."

Jesus is a model of appreciation for others. In the Gospels, he often singles out people for words of praise or expresses gratitude to God for them. John the Baptist, Mary and Paul also openly express their gratitude to God and to those around them. One of our favorite praisers is Francis of Assisi, who wrote such beautiful canticles of thanksgiving to his brothers and sisters in God's creation. As Alice Walker wrote in The Color Purple (Pocket Books, 1990): "More than anything else, God loves admiration."

Thanksgiving is an ideal holiday to practice praising, but we don't want to limit it to special occasions. Here are ways to express admiration and appreciation in your daily life.

* Get in the habit of praising by filling your prayers with expressions of thanks to God. just read the Psalms-they are packed with examples. The psalmist praises God for the beauties of the creation, for the bounties given to the people, for God's steadfastness and presence. Meditate on these passages and then pray your appreciation for God's gifts in your life.

* Make a special effort to regularly say positive things to your friends and families. Periodically review your experiences and identify people you admire. Write them letters expressing gratitude for what you've received from them. be specific in your praise.

* Spread your praise around the neighborhood. In appreciation for the good service of a grocery store, a dry cleaner or a gas station, tell your friends about the place so the business can grow. To show your admiration to public servants and community activists, attend meetings and fund-raisers and volunteer to help in their offices.

* Make sure you aren't guilty of "faint praise," where you follow a word of commendation with some qualifying criticism or word of caution. This bad habit is easy to fall into with friends and family members.

* Create rituals as reminders. We read about someone who incorporated a praising practice into her bill-paying ritual. She wrote "thank you" on each check as she contemplated what service or gift the payment covered.

* be free with compliments and positive comments at your job. In Work As a Spiritual Practice (Broadway Books, 2000), Lewis Richmond wrote: "Notice when you say or someone near you says, 'Thank you.' Think of these two words as a signpost to the spiritual world." The workplace is one of the best arenas to practice praising since it's a zone in our lives where we must constantly be on guard against envy, jealousy and resentments.

Think of all these actions as your protest against the tide of global whining.

The Brussats are the authors o/Spiritual Rx: Prescriptions for Living a Meaningful Life, now available in paperback (Hyperion 2001). They welcome your comments on your experiences with spiritual practices. E-mail to brussat@spiritualrx.com.