red dress, The

UU World: The Magazine of the Unitarian Universalist Association, Jan/Feb 2003 by York, Sarah

ENCOUNTER

SOME PEOPLE MIGHT SAY OF THOSE THEY SERVE AT A soup kitchen, "There but for the grace of God go I." I think what they really mean is, "There by the grace of God am I," for surely God's grace does not single some of us out for privilege and allow others to suffer. Divine grace, however, brings us into dialogue with the stranger at the table and the stranger within; it acquaints us with the part of ourselves that is reflected in someone who is, by our definition anyway, deemed less fortunate.

At no time have I felt this brand of grace more poignantly than the day I walked downtown and saw a woman wearing my red dress.

The tailored red dress with a double-breasted bodice, straight skirt, and matching belt was a favorite, but it was two sizes too large for me. Still, I clung to it for several years after losing some weight. Then I realized that keeping the dress meant I planned to regain the unwanted pounds. With that awareness I decided to give it to the local shelter.

The woman in my red dress gazed toward me but appeared not to see me. Her long, wispy hair was uncombed and tangled into a lumpy knot at the crown of her head. The dress, which I had donated thinking that perhaps someone could wear it to interview for a job, hung loosely on her skeletal frame; it was wrinkled, torn, and askew. She was not on her way to an interview, to be sure.Yes, it was a moment of grace, that vision of rumpled red. There, by the grace of God, I saw myself.

Our epiphanies of holy intimacy are a glimpse of the strangeness or the fear of strangers in ourselves. What I registered in my psyche that day was knowledge of what can become of us, even those of us who have grown up in a world of privilege. When I worked at a shelter that served mostly women and children, I was amazed at how many of the guests were, in fact, not much different from me. Having known times of being on the edge financially, I understand what it means to be one paycheck away from eviction. Having lived with family members who were mentally ill or alcoholic, I am no stranger to the twists of circumstance that can land a person in the streets. Illness, unemployment, addiction, disability: Whose life has not been touched by at least one of these? Who, indeed, might we be if circumstances render us devastated by misfortune?

The Rev. Sarah York, a Unitarian Universalist minister, is the author of The Holy Intimacy of Strangers josseyBass 2002; $18.95), in which this passage appears.(c)2002 by Sarah York. Reprinted by permission of Jossey-Bass.

The "Reflections" pages are compiled by senior editor Christopher L. Walton. Send suggestions to reflections@uua.org or UU World, 25 Beacon Street, Boston MA 02108.