Mark Twain's "spelling match" speech

Southern Quarterly, Fall 2002 by Smith, Harriet Elinor, Frank, Michael B

Some people have an idea that correct spelling can be taught-and taught to anybody. That is a mistake. The spelling faculty is born in a man, like poetry, music, and art. It is a gift; it is a talent. People who have this gift in a high degree, only need to see a word once in print, and it is forever photographed upon their memory. They can not forget it. People who haven't it must be content to spell more or less like-like thunder-and expect to splinter the dictionary wherever their orthographical lightning happens to strike. There are 114,000 words in the unabridged dictionary. I know a lady who can spell only 180 of them right. She steers clear of all the rest. She can't learn any more. So her letters always consist of those constantly recurring 180 words. Now and then, when she finds herself obliged to write upon a subject which necessitates the use of some other words, she-well, she don't write on that subject. I have a relative in New York who is almost sublimely gifted. She can't spell any word right. There is a game called Verbarium. A dozen people are each provided with a sheet of paper, across the top of which is written a long word like kaleidoscopical, or something like that, and the game is to see who can make up the most words out of that in three minutes, always beginning with the initial letter of that word. Upon one occasion the word chosen was cofferdam. When time was called everybody had built from five to twenty words except this young lady. She only had one word--calf. We all studied a moment and then said, "Why there is no 1 in cofferdam." Then we examined her paper. To the eternal honor of that uninspired, unconscious, sublimely independent soul be it said, she had spelt that word "caff"! If anybody here can spell calf any more sensibly than that, let him step to the front and take his milk.

Two prizes are offered for this evening's contest, one for the speller that holds out longest, and one for the speller that falls first. The first prize is a choice between Guizot's History of France, 5 octavo volumes, illustrated by De Neuvill, the London Art Journal for 1875, profusely illustrated with wood and steel; or a nosegay curiously painted upon slate-which picture is burned into the slate, and the surface is afterward beautifully polished. This ingenious sort of art is the invention of a New England lady. You can see fine specimens of it at Mr. Glazier's. I have been instructed not to reveal just yet what the prize is, which is to be given to that untrammeled spirit who shall succeed in sitting down first. The insurrection will now begin.

Mr. Twichell then read the rules governing the match and the spelling began, Mr. J. S. Tryon, Jr., giving out the words for Mr. Wm. L. Cushing, who had prepared the list. Theodore Lyman and Miss Kate Burbank were referees. Judge Carpenter was the first to succumb, spelling gizzard with one "z." Next Mr.John S. Ives used one too few "r's" in stirrup, and retired. The contestants then went down rapidly, one after the other, on the following words, which are here given as they were spelled:-portemonniae, disheville, cason, vermillion, metonomy, stirup, tranquility, achievment, idiocracy, escallop, pellisse, verdegris, allegable, collectable, rythmic, liqueble, sybil. Three or four of the above words floored several each. Mr. Twichell, one of the captains, went down for spelling pelisse with two Is, and Miss Blythe, the other, on escalop, for the same fault. After spelling for nearly an hour, only General Hawley, Mr. Roberts, Mr. Clemens, Charles H. Clark, Miss Keep, Dr. Burton, and Miss Stone were standing. General Hawley sat down on trisyllable, Mr. Roberts on sibyl, Miss Darrow on liqueble, Mr. Clemens on chaldron, (spelled by him cauldron,) and after the match it was discovered that Webster's table of words in which different ways of spelling are sanctioned by "present usage," gives this as one of the ways; Mr. Clark on felloe, and Miss Keep on alpaca. At 10 o'clock Dr. Burton and Miss Stone alone remained standing, but the former took the first opportunity to spell calicoes without the "e," which left Miss Stone winner of the first prize. Mr. Clemens had offered as a prize for the best speller a choice between "Guizot's exquisitely illustrated History of France, 300 wood engravings, 40 fine steel engravings, published by Estes & Lauriat, Boston, in 50 semi-monthly parts," The "London Art Journal, Appleton, American publisher, in monthly parts," and "A Nosegay, daintily painted upon slate, on a finely polished surface, the invention and handiwork of a New England lady." Miss Stone chose the latter and Mr. Twichell presented it to her. Mr. Clemens presented Judge Carpenter with a box of children's colored blocks, on which the letters of the alphabet were painted, as a prize for being the first speller to miss a word. The presentation elicited much merriment. Subsequently Judge Carpenter was presented with three volumes of public documents, including agricultural and credit mobilier investigation reports. Altogether the match proved very amusing, the Rev. Dr. Burton, Mr. Twichell and Mr. Clemens especially enlivening the exercises by occasional comments. Speaker Durand and a large number of members of the legislature were among the spectators.