Joan of Arc Meets Mary Poppins: Maternal Re-nurturing Approaches with Male Patients in Ego-State Therapy

American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis,  Jul 2004  by Phillips, Maggie

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Alex began therapy at the age of 10. Most of his therapy experiences had been positive ones, yet have not made an impact on these relational patterns. he began work with me with excellent access to his feelings and inner world, yet with relatively little insight about his contribution to his difficulties with women. Narcissistic defenses made the development of this insight quite difficult, yet as he became more settled in the therapy with me, he has been better able to form an objective view of how his unresolved attachment issues have impacted on his inability to sustain healthy intimate relationships.

Early in the therapy, we decided to use an ego-state model, as working with inner self-parts had proved helpful to him in past therapy. What became different in our work, however, was that I began to engage key ego states directly, to form attachments with them, and to work with the intense transferential reactions that ensued. Several key ego states have emerged in the therapy. These include: A raging protector and gatekeeper whose role is to keep me away from early traumatic material that is yet unknown; a little boy ego state named "Allie" who contains most of the early grief and fear related to losses involving his mother and sister; and an angry 15-year-old adolescent, who was enraged at the decision to return home from boarding school, and the resulting emasculation that occurred for him within the intense refocus on Alex's relationship with his mother.

As therapy unfolded, much of our emphasis was placed on repairing the transferential wounding that took place because of disruptions in our schedule due to Alex's financial problems and my travel schedule. He developed tinnitus during this time, which distracted him from an inner focus and further challenged our developing relationship. To strengthen the therapy process, we turned to self-nurturing as a central goal. Alex already had a well-developed regular practice of meditation, which he found generally calming and grounding. To this practice, we decided to add work in imagery to help him begin to engage the angry, frightened, and grieving parts inside. As Alex said, "I need to have a way to soothe my anxiety related to the women in my life. Becoming too dependent on you for that will just kick up all my early issues and leave me even more vulnerable and upset."

At first, Alex decided to incorporate positive images of me in the nurturing capacity he had come to trust in his therapy. He found this imagery to be helpful, though it did not produce results that lasted significantly beyond his morning meditation period. His next step was to add imagery that involved his adult self accepting the angry states inside and comforting the little boy part named "Allie." This met with somewhat the same outcome, initially helpful, but not sustaining him throughout the day.

As we discussed together what we might add to this process, I suggested that we consider adding another figure, in addition to the two of us, who could provide different nurturing experiences. I shared with Alex the story of "the February man" (Erickson & Rossi, 1989). Alex was intrigued by this concept, and we agreed that the nurturing figure needed to be female, in order to repair the wounding in his early relationships with mother and sister. As we explored the possibilities for this figure during a hypnosis session, Alex responded, "I don't know why but I'm thinking of Mary Poppins. I used to love that movie when I was little. I think she might be a good person, especially for Allie."