Competition: How Hypnosis Can Help Women to Hold Their Own in the Workplace

American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis,  Jul 2004  by Hornyak, Lynne M

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This paper takes the perspective that competitive strivings in self and others have been an area of difficulty for women and that gender socialization has played a significant role. The author discusses elements of competition that seem toxic for women and proposes descriptors of healthy competition. It is proposed that hypnosis provides a suitable method for neutralizing negative elements and promoting adaptive responses in competitive situations. Five applications of hypnotic methods are illustrated through two case examples.

Keywords: Competition, coping, gender, hypnosis, reframing, women, workplace

Anna, age 29, is a policy analyst for a prominent think tank. She is bright, intuitively diplomatic, and performs competently in her job by objective measures. She shares an office with her colleague, Betsy, whom Anna describes as beautiful, ambitious, and backstabbing. Betsy typically ignores Anna, requests the choice assignments, and makes a point of spending time with their director, Tom. Anna is very uncomfortable around Betsy. She attempts to be pleasant but generally feels "one-down" and insecure.

Emily, age 35, is a bright, energetic fourth-year associate in a law firm that specializes in mergers and acquisitions. She is married with a one-year-old child. Emily has come to therapy because she feels stressed and resentful about the way she is treated by Susan, the partner with whom she works most closely. Emily reports that Susan does not acknowledge Emily's hard work and long hours, often claims credit for document errors that Emily discovers and resolves, and makes snide comments about "women lawyers trying to balance work and family life." Emily is confused by the way that Susan relies heavily on her, yet criticizes her in front of others and seems annoyed when clients express appreciation to Emily.

What is similar in the situations faced by Anna and Emily? Both are capable, bright women who hold responsible positions in prestigious companies. Yet both of them are reacting to displays of competition in the workplace. When the issue of competition was raised with them, Anna responded: "Yes, that's what I'm picking up in Betsy's behavior. But, I'm not competitive. If anything, I compete against myself." Emily stated "Yes, I think Susan may feel competitive with me. I hate the competitiveness; otherwise this would be a great job."

The comments of Anna and Emily are commonly heard from women in the workplace. How has competition come to be viewed so negatively? Acknowledging that competition is a commonly encountered dynamic in the workplace, how can women come to understand and approach competitiveness in themselves and others in ways that are growth-promoting?

It is ironic that the word "compete" comes from the Latin competere meaning "to seek together." Current usage defines it as striving for an objective (position, profit, prize), with no mention of "togetherness" (or, relationship). Another common definition of "compete" is to be in a state of rivalry, in which there is relationship, but it is in conflict or opposition. These current definitions of competition are a reflection of our Western socialization.

Socialization's Influence on Competition

Developmentally, competition may play a different psychological role for women and men. Luise Eichenbaum and Susie Orbach ( 1987) propose that "Whereas women search for self through connection with others, men search for self by distinguishing themselves from others" (p. 122). Thus for boys and men, competition aids differentiation. It is an act of selfhood, and consequently, something to be sought. Yet for girls and women, "competing can be an internally terrifying experience" (pp. 122-123) of threatening important relationships by saying, in essence, "I am not the same as you." It can feel like both annihilation of the other as well as loss of self because, for women, self-identity is in relation to others. Consequently, withdrawal from competition may be a more manageable stance for many women (p. 123).

Eichenbaum and Orbach ( 1987) also propose that feelings of competition in women stem from undermining feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt (p. 126). Taken from an adaptive perspective, competitive feelings can reflect the positive desire for recognition, for the right to be one's own person and to overcome crippling self-doubt. Consequently, if women can use these feelings to understand rather than judge themselves, it may allow them to move forward and fulfill their personal ambitions.

In her book Catfight, Leora Tanenbaum (2002) points out that, in reality, women have always competed, primarily with each other. Despite the expectation that women are "relaters," she asserts that women are conditioned to view each other as adversaries rather than as allies.

Tanenbaum points out that, historically, there have been few legitimate arenas in which women could compete and prove their femininity-in other words to have feminine power. Those arenas include being attractive, marrying a "good catch," and having "faultless children" (p. 20). The other side of the bind is that competitiveness has traditionally been viewed as unwomanly. Consequently, competition between women has typically taken a more covert route, and has been destructive rather than constructive for women as a group.