Ego-Boosters Versus Ego-Busters

Alabama Nurse,  Mar-May 2005  by Gaddis, Susanne

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At the most fundamental psychological level, there are, essentially, three kinds of people: Those that see the glass as half-empty, those that view the glass as half-full and those that will argue for hours as to whether it's a glass at all!

Now ask yourself, which category do you fall into? Do you inflate and encourage - or are you more like a human vortex, a steady drain on emotional resources? Are you a couragebuilder or a spirit-sucker? Do your colleagues view you as a burst of upbeat energy - or as a vitality-vampire, sucking the positive lifeblood out of your co-workers'? Are you an ego-booster or an ego-buster?

When you truly begin to embrace the fact that your words and actions contribute to the overall energy and happiness in your life and the lives of your co-workers, you'll make a radical decision to positively reframe your outlook, speech and actions. Now, let's look at the seven top ego-busting behaviors - How we can help those who use these destructive communication patterns, and how we can change these behaviors in our own speech.

1. Overwhelmingly Negative Speech - In order for an organization to flourish, and not flounder or experience flat growth, they need to pump up their positive speech. Quite often, these are people who suffer from the ball-and-chain syndrome - where every task (no matter how small) - is a crushing chore, an insurmountable burden.

* You: If most of your day-to-day dialogue is negative, pessimistic, sarcastic, hurtful, harmful, blame-ridden, guilt-inducing and filled "I can'ts augmented with extra doses of "poor-poor-pitiful-me," it may be time for you to make a healthy change to the positive. Try to strike a better balance by choosing positive, optimistic, reassuring, encouraging, morale-building, forward-thinking, "I can" words.

* Others: If you hear others engaged in negative dialogue, first acknowledge them by saying, "Gee, it sounds like you are really unhappy," or "I can tell by what you are saying that you are frustrated." Then ask them, "Share with me something that is going right." You can also offer a comment such as, "Do you realize that when you complain/are negative about _____ that it really has a negative impact on my morale - and what I need from you is to hear you offer up some of the positive things that are going on around here."

2. "I Didn't Do It!" - Truth be told, no one really cares about what you're unwilling to do or can't do. They're only interested in finding out what you have done, are willing to do or can do. Experts agree that if every person involved in a task took a mere 10 percent responsibility in a project's outcome (negative or positive), the work responsibility could be evenly distributed and shared.

Folks that play the "blame game" lose on all accounts: They fail to function as a team player and lose their co-workers' respect. Playing the "blame game" is a career-killing move.

* You: If you are blaming another, and the task truly wasn't your responsibility, then give the person who needs the task completed very specific and helpful information. Without this, you will seem lazy, uncooperative and a non-team player. If you continue playing the "blame game," no one will approach you with any new tasks. Task assigning = trust.

* Others: If someone is blaming another, you can ask them: "What can you do and what are voit willing to do in this situation?" In these situations, blaming-throvving can go on indefinitely, so oftentimes, eliciting some information is better than none.

3. Grapevine Gossipers - If you think that you'll have nothing to talk about if you omitted all of the gossip in your everyday speech - You need to reassess your communications! Gossip is damaging, especially in a work environment. Just how far will employers go to stop gossip? Two years ago, municipal workers in Cascavel, Brazil, were banned from gossiping during working hours Under a new law. Any public employee caught spreading rumors or gossip about their colleague ran the risk of being fired. The city claimed that civil servants have the right to work in a professional environment -and said the new law promotes integrity.

In 2001, a nationwide study conducted by a UK group. Industrial Society, claimed that, on average, American men gossip more than women. The idea that gossip is largely a women's thing is deeply ingrained; saying that men gossip more than women is like saying that men have more shoes than women!

But how do you define gossip? The authors of the study described true gossip as meeting five essential criteria:

* The person being talking about is not present;

* The people having the conversation have an established relationship with the subject;

* The information has no direct impact on the lives of the people conducting the conversation;

* The conversation is generally negative in tone, and

* The conversation is morality-based in its implications.

The study concedes, however, that men and women gossip quite differently. While women gossip primarily to bond with one another, and men do it to bolster their self-esteem.