Infant Crying: To Soothe or Not to Soothe

Montessori Life, 2006 by Thompson, Josh, Leeds, Lydia

A. Assisted Self-Soothing

By directing the child toward a comfort object (a pacifier, blanket, doll, music, or a swing, for example), the caregiver is training the child in strategies to self-soothe (and cease crying) through the use of an intermediary device.

B. Caregiver-Assisted Soothing

Caregiver-assisted soothing strategies involve the caregiver in responsive care, such as nursing, rocking, massage, swaddling, etc. Sometimes, simply holding an infant provides the soothing that an infant longs for.

C. Unassisted Self-Soothing

Unassisted self-soothing occurs when the child discovers an activity that is comforting and calming: Thumb or finger sucking is the most obvious form of unassisted self-soothing, but many infants also rock themselves, stroke the navel or an ear, or twirl a lock of hair. Some hum. The caregiver may help this child discover her unassisted self-soothing activity.

CAREGIVER COPING STRATEGIES

Responsive caregivers will do all it takes to calm their crying infants. Most often, these responses are successful; yet sometimes the caregiver's best efforts are not enough to calm the crying child. At this point, the caregiver must self-monitor, regulating her actions and reactions, lest anger and frustration impede rational interventions. Excessive exposure to crying may tip the motivation from a concern with the infant's distress to a desire to alleviate the discomfort in listening to the cry (Frodi & Senchak, 1990). Utilizing checklist systems, like FATT DRIP (Leeds & Thompson, 2005) or Brazelton's 11-point checklist (Brazelton & Sparrow, 2003, Table 2) helps caregivers confidently identify important information about the background and framework of this immediate cry. When the caregiver has exhausted all remedies and the child is in competent, secure care, meaning that the child cannot be hurt or hurt herself, the advice to the caregiver is strident: walk away. This is not abandonment, but a withdrawal to a nearby location where the caregiver can continue to monitor the child's progress through self-soothing strategies, and yet far enough away for the caregiver to receive relief and respite before rushing in to attend to the child's next needs.

CONCLUSION

When is it appropriate to soothe a crying child? The evidence is confusing; there are many different aspects to an infant's cry. But sorting and organizing the various stimuli under three broad categories may help the attentive caregiver. Sometimes a cry is a signal for help: Something is wrong and the infant needs caregivers to attend. At other times, the cry is a symptom, a statement of being in a condition that does not need intervention. Or, finally, the cry as a sign simply declares the child's presence as a human being in need of nothing specific from the caregiver except responsive awareness to her life.

When do we let them cry it out? If the responsive caregiver is unable to soothe the child, it is wise to place the child in competent, secure care, and walk away, keeping within a reasonable distance to intervene if needed, and yet staying far enough away to allow the child to grow in autonomy and independence.