Gay, Rural, and Coming Out: A Case Study of One School's Experience

Rural Educator, The, Spring 2004 by Pace, Nicholas J

Our Story

My description of the Mayberry-like community was probably not an exaggeration. It is also not an exaggeration to say I was amazed by what I found. Virtually every participant interviewed said, like me, that they would have predicted a very difficult situation as a result of Pete's coming out, attendance at prom, and scholarship. From threats, to vandalism, to violence, to complete disruption of the educational environment, the subjects' consensus was, like mine, that the school and community would not be ready for this.

In working to determine why predictions were so inaccurate, respondents offered a number of possibilities. Some indicated that, since they had known Pete for such a long time, his coming out really did not change things. "Brent," Pete's friend, athletic classmate and a member of the football team noted that some were suddenly focused on how different Pete must be, but that, "he's still my buddy." Brent also suspected that the situation went much more smoothly than anticipated because Pete "wasn't in anyone's face about it," and was a longtime member of the community. He suspected that a newcomer or more flamboyantly gay student might not have been as well received.

"Melinda," an athletic, straight-A student agreed that reactions might have been more hostile if Pete had been more flamboyantly gay. She and her classmates, however, agreed that students who were hostile toward Pete were "afraid of getting in trouble at school." She credits many teachers whom she believes would have, contrary to much research, not allowed harassing comments or name calling. "Lucy" recalled an informal message that said that anyone wanting to harass would have to do so in a socially risky environment. For example, she described how some students at the prom communicated support, acceptance, tolerance, or curiosity in a largely non-verbal manner, gathering around Pete and his boyfriend to talk, or stand back and listen. She also noted how, at the awards assembly, some adults did not clap when Pete's name was announced, but they were not "openly hostile, either." Others recalled how students, many of them female, still sat with Pete at lunch and talked with him in the hallway. Pete suspected the girls in question have more social capital than they might ever imagine, laughing that, "Nobody wanted to face the wrath of the girls."

While the actions, both overt and subtle, of the class are telling, the high school guidance counselor, "Jeri," argues that Pete's status within the class was also a key. "Think about it," she says, "Pete's not in sports, or music and doesn't have great grades, so he's not gonna take anyone's piece of the pie. They've got less reason to hate him." Had he been in a position to take away their prized roles in athletics, arts, or music, he might have been received very differently, she suspected.

The most revealing finding of the research, however, resembles an iceberg. Just as we learn in elementary science, most of the iceberg is below the surface and is invisible. The extent to which other issues streamed below the surface of this issue was no less than astounding, even to a principal who thought he was especially in tune and aware of his high school of only 130 students.