Things that go BUMP in the Night

Ask, Oct 2009

TAP TAP! BANG! CLANK BUMP

Is that a monster trying to get in?

Relax! It's just the wind,

tapping branches and cables against the window,

swaying street signs and lampposts,

creaking porch swings and garden ornaments,

clinking fences and mailbox flaps.

Or is Dad doing the dishes?

MOAN WHISTLE SHRIEK CREAK

Is it ghosts? Or the wind, like a flute, or

when you blow across the mouth of a bottle,

vibrating sign posts, antennas, and clotheslines,

whistling around corners,

fluting and moaning through cracks around

windows and doors?

Or maybe it's the wood boards in the

stairs, floors, and doors,

rubbing and creaking underfoot,

stretching and shrinking as

they heat and cool.

Or is it a squeaky door hinge?

Or your sister practicing her clarinet?

CLANK! WHIRR! HUM

Alien robots? Or is it pipes behind the wall?

Valves in radiators or faucets closing suddenly

can slam the water inside against the pipes

like a hammer, making them jump and bang.

Many noisy machines turn themselves off and

on around the house at night- is it the

furnace, refrigerator, sump pump, air filter,

water heater, air conditioner, dishwasher,

mechanical dinosaur?

Or is Grandma fixing the boiler?

GURGLE SLURP SUCK

Is it the Swamp Creature?

Or is it water

flowing through the pipes

behind the wall on its way to

sinks, kitchens, and bathrooms?

Rainwater gurgling in gutters, or

liquid coolant cycling around the

refrigerator and air conditioner?

Or is your brother having a

midnight snack?

RUSTLE! YIP! GRRRR! WWWGGGGRRRRREELLLLRRRRR

Ogres in the yard? Or just

night animals out for a walk?

Owls, cats, raccoons,

badgers, coyotes, mice,

rats, snakes, opossums, Gila

monsters, aardvarks, snails

are all up with the moon.

And that low groaning howl

that sounds like a family of hyenas

eating bagpipes is, of course,

the love song of cats.

Or is it your neighbor's garage band?