Facing Your Fears

Ask, Oct 2009 by Young, Rachel

When big fears strike, there are ways to beat them back.

Fear can be a good thing. It tells you not to, say, run into the street without looking both ways, or reach into the campfire to grab a charred marshmallow, or try to feed an alligator a bite of your hot dog. Fear can make you think twice and encourage you to make safe decisions.

But sometimes you can be terribly afraid of something that's not really dangerous, like bugs or bad dreams. Or you may have a fear that makes perfect sense, but that's still too much for you to handle. Dr. Fadi Haddad, a psychiatrist who works with children, says it can be hard to know when fears get too big, so it may help to ask a grownup you trust. "If the grownup says it's safe, but your heart is racing, you're stuck to your seat, and you start feeling sweaty, or if you see other kids doing something and enjoying it but you can't, that's when you need to think, maybe I'm afraid too much," Dr. Haddad says.

When big fears strike, there are ways to beat them back. Read on to see how some brave kids* went from super-scared to calm, or just the slightest bit nervous, which is still an improvement. Maybe what they learned can help you tackle some of your own scariest fears.

Meet Franklin

Franklin is scared of dogs, big or small.

It all started when a labradoodle tried to steal Franklin's string cheese.

Franklin spent many years shaking in his shoes whenever a dog was near.

He was tired of being so scared. So he checked some dog books out of the library and read about dogs that were brave, loyal, and smart.

He watched a show on TV all about the world's most heroic dogs.

He imagined himself walking by a dog, then even stopping to pet a dog.

The imaginary dog licked his hand, which made Franklin giggle. Then he imagined playing with the dog at the beach, Franklin's favorite place.

Finally Franklin felt ready to see a real, live dog. So he went to the dog pound. He petted the oldest, kindest, laziest dog there through the bars of his cage.

He and his sister walked the dog around the block. They even took the leash off and played fetch with a ball.

Dogs still weren't Franklin's favorite animal, but he wasn't that scared of them anymore either.

Meet Farah

Farah hates flying.

It all started when a plane Farah was on bounced up and down in the air like a bucking bronco.

Thinking of flying made her stomach hurt, and she wouldn't do it ever, not even to visit her grandmother in London.

Farah missed her grandmother, and she was tired of being scared. So she decided to learn how planes stay in the air.

She also learned that airplanes hardly ever crash and that many thousands of people fly safely every day, more people than live in her whole town.

She learned that the bouncing is called turbulence, and it is caused by wind and other air movement.

She met a pilot, who let her tour the cockpit. The pilot had spent many years learning to fly, and she knew how to fry safely through turbulence or storms.

She met an air traffic controller whose job is to know where all the planes are, so they can't ever bump into each other.

Farah also thought about how flying could be fun. She would get to watch a movie and drink an orange juice with four cherries in it.

And that's just what she did when she flew to London to see her grandmother.

Meet Favio

Favio is terrified of thunderstorms.

It all started when lightning struck a big tree right next to Favio's house.

Since then, thunder and lightning make him sweat and shake and dive under the bed with the dog.

He was tired of being scared, and he wanted to go camping with the Adventure Scouts. So he decided to practice being calm and relaxed.

First, he thought about how thunderstorms are natural and how they didn't happen just to scare him. The rain smelled good, and the lightning was sort of pretty.

Then, he focused on taking big, deep, calm breaths.

Favio imagined being in his favorite place, his backyard on a sunny day. He was playing with his turtle and eating a chocolate-chip ice cream cone. His mom and dad were weeding in the garden.

Every day, he practiced visiting his favorite place. Over time, he could see himself more clearly. He was wearing his favorite robot shirt and music was playing too, the song his dad always sang before bedtime.

And at the Adventure Scouts campout, he only had to visit his favorite place for a few minutes when the thunder was especially loud.

*Names have been changed to protect the fearful But since we made all these kids up anyway, changing their names probably wasn't necessary.