muse mail

Muse, May/Jun 2004

Dear Muse,

First of all, I want to say that I love your magazine. Second of all, I want to say that I'm prepared to be the most hated writer to Muse in all Muse history. Third of all, here's why:

When you started doing theme issues (the cat and dog issues) I was a little disappointed. I like Muse because of the variety. However, when I saw an issue devoted entirely to Lord of the Rings, I mentally puked. I have a news flash for those Lord of the Rings nuts out there: the Lord of the Rings movies STINK! I'm sorry, but they are really not very good. What's the fascination? I'll admit that the effects are very nice, especially Gollum, but pretty much nothing else is any good. The movie is completely confusing, and VERY tedious. The acting is atrocious. Elijah Wood has three expressions, two of which are the same, and even he's better than Orlando Bloom. Even Ian McKellen (Gandalf), who is a wonderful actor, isn't done justice by this movie. As for the Oscar and Golden Globe nominations, with all the hype about how good the movies were going to be, they were basically nominated before the movie was released. For the first time ever, I couldn't get through any of the Muse articles. Many people, including my friends, are Lord of the Rings fanatics, but I'm afraid that I must put my foot down. These movies stink! To prevent the list of hate mail that will undoubtedly come to my door, I am writing this letter under an alias, an anagram of my name.

Milton Rupines

P.S. Can you do an article about one of the greatest characters of all time: Tintin. He's really cool.

P.P.S. Annie H., can you tell your brother to stop shooting rabbits? I have two pet rabbits and after your letter have started a hatred against Marylanders.

Thank you, "Milton"! I totally agree with you. What lousy movies! I don't know what we were doing writing about them!

-Mimi

And a mathematical thank-you from me, too. If I understand you correctly, you've liked every single issue you've read, except for one. What a fantastic batting average we must have!

-Urania

Dear Muse,

Thank you, thank you, and thank you so much for writing an issue on the Lord of the Rings. Basically you could say that I'm a LOTR fanatic. I love the books; I love the movies, and everything in between. I'm on my second time around of reading the books, and I'm still enjoying them as much as I did the first time. Anyway, my world revolves around LOTR. I own both of the movies on DVD, and I'm so excited to see The Return of the King when it comes out. The computer that I'm typing this letter on has a LOTR background, and I have posters of some of the characters tacked to the inside of my locker at school. Well, now I bet you think I'm totally crazy, but that's O.K. You'll just have to deal with it. Anyway, in your articles, I liked the fact that you showed how they did all the special effects in the movies. The Elvish article was really cool. I'm going to start writing letters to my friends in Elvish or something like that. Also, did you print the letters that requested EOTR articles on purpose, or did they arrive just in time for you to put them in the issue? Those letters made me feel stupid; I hadn't even thought about looking up words in Elvish. One other thing: the article "The Shadow of the Past"-was it really real, or was it a joke that I took too seriously (and please don't lie to me if you tell me; it really bugs me!)? I agree with Elwood Greenleaf or whatever, that Legolas is the BEST member of the Fellowship. Oh, and too bad, Lubabah C., I bet you don't watch the LOTR movies every day while you're doing your homework like I do.

Calo anor na ven,

(You should know what this means. It was in your own mag!) O.K., here's what it means in case you don't want to look it up: "May the sun shine on (your) road."

Claire W., age 12

Pennsylvania

DEFINITELY YOUR #1 LOTR FAN!

Thank you, Claire! I totally agree with you! Weren't these the greatest movies of all time? I'm completely devoted to them, too! I've read that issue a thousand times! And of course, you are very clever to doubt "The Shadow of the Past," which was a complete send-up,

-Mimi

Dear Aeiou,

I'm writing to you because I haven't seen a letter to you and I haven't seen you answer many either. I would have e-mailed, but the FMP may be getting hungry. And, anyway, if it was bottomless, wouldn't the letters fall out? There is also a serious problem that has arisen ever since your LOTR issue. As I was reading the article on Elvish (not Elvis) I noticed that a page was missing. I searched the house frantically, until I finally found it hanging on the wall of my sisters bedroom, bearing a large picture of Legolas. If you do put any more pictures of certain actors in your magazine, please make it a page with nothing interesting to read so my sister doesn't take all the interesting pages. Which reminds me . . . does Koko have any fan girls? And wouldn't that make a great comic strip? (hint, hint!)

Sincerely,

Anne Nominous

P.S. Please do an article on cartoons. Like some certain ones I think we all know.