We Call Him Spot

Muse, May/Jun 2004 by Hopkin, Karen

They're exotic. They're fascinating. They're full of energy. And for sure you'd be the only kid on the block to own one. But before you go bugging your parents to buy you a black hole, we feel we need to tell you a few things.

Sure, having a black hole around the house might have its benefits. You'd be able to say stuff like, "A black hole swallowed my homework."

But keeping one as a pet would be bad for you and bad for the black hole. First off, where would you put it?

Black holes can get pretty big and they need room to grow. You can't keep something that's 10 times the mass of the sun in a 10-gallon fishtank on top of your desk.

And what would you feed your hungry little hole? Black holes have big appetites and would devour everything in sight. First you'd be missing a sock or a sweater or your favorite CD. Pretty soon Spot would be scarfing down everything you hold dear: your best friend, your mom, and-let's face it-you, if you got too close.

So if you were thinking of asking for a black hole of your own, please think again. Black holes might be cute when they're babies: little, hairless singularities. But they're wild celestial objects and they belong in deep space, not penned up in your backyard.

Our advice: Stick with something safer, like a tiger cub or maybe a baby alligator. Those are pretty cute, too, don't you think?

-Karen Hopkin