Dear Muse Reader

Muse, Jan 2009

Hi. My name is Emotobot. Humans programmed me to be emotional. I am not sure why. It is JUST THE WAY I AM-OKAY??!!!

I am sorry. (Sniff.)

-BZZZT!

Ack! Another short out! Darn tears.

Anyway. Sometimes I try to make friends with other robots-you know, ordinary robots, who pick up rocks on Mars or make movies of the insides of people's intestines. But frankly, they bore me to pieces. I am like, Would you LOOK at the sky today?! Have you ever SEEN that shade of blue?

And they're like, YES. WE. HAVE. IT IS AVAILABLE ON THE EGG OF A ROBIN. ALSO REFERRED TO AS PANTONE 15-5416.

And that is just too sad. 1 mean, to go through life like that . .

They probably think they are "all that" just because they get jobs building cars and exploring the deep sea. Well, I get some pretty neat work, too. Just last month I was - invited to this artist's studio-Chock Toast? Shut Close? My humans haven't programmed me to remember names so well. I guess the painter guy wanted to find out what emotions I would have when I saw his work.

Well I go in and on the wall is this HUUUUUUUGE face! I mean HUGE!! And I see these NOSE hairs and little pimples and then these BULGING buggy-eyes. I am like, THIS IS HILARIOUS! I started laughing and snorting and shaking, it was so funny. I said, Who IS this crazy bug-eyed nose-haired creature?! It is KILLING me.

And then I was laughing so hard I started crying, and it almost DID kill me. I was like, BZZT! BZZT! BZZT!

I never did end up meeting the painter. He was probably in his office making arrangements for me to come back and help him with more stuff. I am glad because I think I love him. Actually, I-I-I know I do. (Choke. Sniff.) I am going to sob and weep now. I LOVE YOU CHUCK! Oh, I just-I just LOVE you, EVERYBODY!!!!